Winds of Change

The subject of moving away from Florida is a slow progressing theme for a few of my close friends. Where once this would have triggered my separation anxiety, I now feel peace at the idea. It is not that I want them to move, but more of following something new.

There have been incidents of within the past 10 years that have repeated themselves in the last year and half. I think it is time for the winds of change to scatter us all to the ends of the earth so that we may one day come back and share what we've seen and heard. The description is rather an arcane way of putting it but it is exactly how I feel. In any case, we are in the Internet age where connectivity is abundant so you don't ever feel the deepest sting of missing someone...

With certain events of this year and my crossing a hard moral threshold, I am no longer afraid of many things. My moral crossing was no victory, I didn't win or feel a sheen of triumph. Anything remotely resembling those emotions would have been empty and that of an uncaring person. It would be easy to feel nothing and blame it on a baser nature as I have nothing to lose unlike the other person. That is not what it was about and the explanation is not for this forum.

On the other hand, I will share tonight's AGOL Embarrassing Moment:

OMG...you're going to LOVE this...I cannot believe I am sharing this shame with you..So I received a text message from one of my best friends. I, in turn, text messaged someone...7pm Eastern Standard Time. I got home and investigated further on BBC online...then DIED..DIED...just DIED. I had to follow up the text message with two facebook mails of deepest apologies to MEBFKAY because upon further investigation, it wasn't the Pier where he lives that burned down, but a different Pier in England. My best buddy said they specifically mentioned HIS Pier. Oh gosh...I texted him at midnight his time. He was a good sport and texted me back an hour later at 1am his time. That made me feel worse. Ugh. The universe has a sense of humor.

I spoke to John on his way from Texas back to Louisiana where his job is located and even told him of the mistake this evening. He said I should have a 20-minute delay on my phone in case of knee-jerk reactions like this. Neh. Why ruin a potentially embarrassing moment?

Shame Update: I received another nice reply via facebook on my shameful moment and was let off the hook nicely. Hooray.


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Winds of Change

Abe Vigoda is Not Dead

I remembered to send someone warm wishes for his birthday last night for today and received a nice thank you back this morning. It is important to remember birthdays because it is unique to that person. It's not like sharing the holidays with your family unless your birthday and a holiday are on the same day which would suck if you were a kid. Birthdays now just remind me of advancing years. I guess I am not in that feeling the wisdom stage though I feel I have earned some of the wisdom thing.

I don't know what made me get on this kick today. In the 70s, a wonderful detective sitcom called, Barney Miller came to be. A memorable character named, Fish played brilliantly by Abe Vigoda was introduced. There is a running joke I have that is used as a punctuation to anything or a useless FYI that I on occasion end my conversations with, "Oh, by the way, Abe Vigoda is not dead." He is often mistaken for having crossed into The Great Beyond. In his 80s now, he is still very much alive. I sent my new boss the link as a joke. He had been receiving interesting news e-mail from me regarding our UK parent company and later decided to switch it up on him. Can you believe he has never heard of IMDB? Now he's sucked into IMDB. He also feels more secure now that he knows that Abe is still alive. (Not.) Certainly helps me sleep better...Wait, uh...I don't sleep. Scratch that.

My boss encouraged me to leave early as he was leaving on time. My day starts at least one hour later than his. Who was I to disagree with him? It gave me plenty of time to do some errands and still get home at my normal time. Hee.

Talked to Kathy while I was driving. She went to work and afterwards attended an unplugged (acoustic) concert at the House of Blues Orlando last night with her boyfriend Jamie. Her doctor on Wednesday had diagnosed her with strep throat and prescribed some antibiotics. Poor thing was worn out and stayed home today. She will not be attending Girlie Day tomorrow and she'd been looking forward to it.

Trish called me from San Francisco later in the evening. Things are going a lot better now that she and her boyfriend are living in the same apartment. Her job's excitement factor has leveled out, but she gets to meet celebrities. Simon Cowell turned out to be really nice and more handsome in person. There are more details I would like to share, but I cannot because I'd rather not air semi-dirty laundry. No, nothing remotely horrible, just odd tidbit. Too bad for us.

Making it to bed earlier. Really tonight I have no choice. My body knows it is the weekend. Tomorrow is going to be great fun with the girlies so I'd better rest up.

Abe Vigoda is Not Dead

Autumn Freedom: Beauty in Truth

Happy First Day of Autumn!

Autumn has blared its trumpets signaling its arrival of a new season. It means two things to me. One, it is one of my BFF Kathy's favorite time of the year. She sent me a text at 9am wishing me a Happy First Day of Autumn and I received a card from her in the mail last week to remind me of the occasion. Second, it is the beginning of my own season of beginnings. Being a January baby makes me Winter's Daughter and now starts to set the tone until then. It has always been that way for me. It also brings angst about the upcoming holidays which I abhor. Surprised?

For the first time, I was able to sleep in without alarms and Cabal waking me up. My angels must have warned him not to disturb his mistress. My hips didn't ache from staying in bed too long which is a detriment to sleeping in. I have to walk it out. Maybe it is because I wore my comfortable sneakers all day not my usual goddess gear for work.

By this time of the year, my autumn angst kicks in. My BFFs are on AGOL high alert from now until February 14th, AGOL's day. Last year I was too busy with work, planning parties, starting my blog and starting a new romance (comments section) with a beautiful man which was a big part of December and January. We instant messaged for hours, skyped and sent e-mails even when he vacationed in Japan for Christmas with his brother and sister-in-law. We had a lot of fun with my sending Victoria's Secret-like pics of my boobs and him being able to check them out in private at hotels and his sister-in-law's mother's house like the one below:



I also received e-mails like those below which made the holidays more bearable:

Dec. 29th: Hello you Goddess...I am having a wonderful time in Kyoto. Everything is beautiful here. The smallest opportunity to makes something gorgeous is taken. However this does not mean I have not taken the opportunity to think of you often. One of the times I stood in front of a temple and washed myself in the the smoke of a burning insense stick. There I made a moment for some stillness. And you came into my mind then...(deletion)...I have never met you, but part of me was wishing very strongly that we were snuggled together looking at the snow falling. P xxx

Dec. 31st: hello darling...just a stolen moment to say happy new year! it is fast approaching here in japan. have just eaten the most extensive japanese meal. yum. and now for the drinking! i will think of you at midnight. think of me too when midnight steals over florida. p xxx

Jan. 1st: Hello you goddess... Just been reading your last entry. Your groundhog days are over I hope. I`m certain mine are too. Not long ago I went down to the sea and stood in the chilly pre-dawn light and watched the sun rise into a new day and a new year in the land of the rising sun. I don`t think a man needs more omens than that. I am full of optimism today. Life is good and will get better. Time for a new pattern to emerge I think. I thought of you when the sun rose. It was beautiful and so are you. Have a good year Sarah. You deserve a wonderful one. P xxx

Jan. 3rd: Hello Sarah you lovely. Wednesday here in Japan. I leave on Friday and tomorrow we are going to spend a day on an island somewhere. So this could be my last note before I am back in England. I feel very free in my mind now and this holiday has done me the world of good. My head is very clear and my optimism has returned full force. A part of me is looking forward to returning to my own little home though, and being able to steal upstairs and skype my magical new friend in Florida. But while I type this to you I am looking through a screen at a little Japanese garden complete with rocks and a flowering aloe vera plant. Cats and dogs are milling about, by brother is in the shower, and my sister in law and her mum are in the onsen again. They are absolutely obsessed over hear with sitting in their hot baths. My thoughts turn to sitting in hot baths with someone special... I bet you would look lovely in an onsen. Just holding onto that thought for a moment.... Ah. My god I am going to have to stop eating when I get home. The food here is so delicious and everyone keeps trying to feed me as if I haven`t eaten for weeks. I hope all is well with you. I can`t wait to hear the wonderful warmth of your voice again. And I am mindful that it is your birthday coming up soon too. You must send me an address in meatspace so I can send something to spoil you. You are the sort of woman who deserves very much to be spoilt and pampered sometimes I think. Have a lovely week darling thing. I will speak to you over the weekend. Yours in adoration P xxx

and me receiving Valentine's and me sending Valentines (click to enlarge) to him:



It continued in the year during my UK trip: April and May.

If you think for one moment, he will be horrified at this AGOL intimate sharing, you are utterly and completely mistaken. You don't know MEBFKAY very well. I didn't post other pics, IM conversations or the erotica I've written him and the poems he has sent me. How else will he achieve fame (not notoriety) if people don't talk about him which is his dream? Why do you think I created a Wikipedia entry about him back in March? Have I lost my mind? HELL YEAH! There is beauty in truth.

MEBFKAY has a current love now. I am sure she is nice and lovely. She may not be me; the AGOL brand is not something that can be emulated. Not being egotistic, I know. He is still a beautiful man, but not always an angel. I want the world to know that I am okay with everything. I am not angry with him nor do I feel any kind of hatred towards him. My friends think I have been too kind towards him, but they are not me. They have not met him, got to know him nor see the colors and textures that make him Peter S. Kenny.

There is a Swedish proverb that I hope I am quoting correctly: We show love to the ones that deserve it the least because they are the ones that need it the most. Is there room for reconciliation? I don't know. All I did was click Next Blog in December of last year and got his page and the magic stuff above happened. For now, I have other expectations for the new year. I hope that it will be as exciting as the good part of this year and maybe even more extraordinary. Let's get through autumn first. Be on alert...

Autumn Freedom: Beauty in Truth

Cheesecake and Intuition

Note: This is a long post so I split it up into two sections. You can skip to the last paragraph after the section break. The second section is about a trait of mine and a person from work.

At first, I thought I was hallucinating and that time had slowed down to a crawl on my drive to work, but it was only the traffic jam caused by a vehicle fire on a main artery. What should have taken only 40 minutes became an hour and a half. Called Bridget on the way and told her I was suffering from road rage and to be prepared. We ended up cracking jokes about it which eased the tension before I arrived.

My attempts at catching up on the To Do pile on my desk were shameful. Traffic ruined my mojo...Went to lunch with my team at The Cheesecake Factory where we had a great time when we were not trying to move away from the uncomfortable comments made by my temp. I kept poking Bridget on her thigh under the table every time she said something that made me cringe. We ended up taking our cheesecake desserts to go since we were full as ticks from our lunch.

Our team meeting started an hour after we got back from lunch. Five of us were crammed in my boss' office when food coma started to set in. My boss commented that I was starting to fall asleep so I made Bridget turn the fan on and make it oscillate to get the air moving in the small office. My temp made more comments. At one point, Bridget who was sitting next to me with her legs crossed, kicked her foot on my leg as if her leg got a sudden case of Tourette's. It didn't hurt, but it startled my boss who thought she was on her way to get up. If he only knew.

When I saw Tawny in the afternoon, I thought she had changed clothes midday because I didn't recall her wearing her outfit. We both realized that we hadn't seen each other at all until 3:30pm. A bit of a surreal moment which brought us a chuckle.


AGOL Zone

Okay, I don't talk about this part of me, but let's just say I am more intuitive than most people. Call it a gift or a curse. There are countless stories I could tell especially with precognitive dreams. If I am in tuned with you, I can tell how you are feeling or what may have transpired in your day, etc. without you telling me. (MEBFKAY used to get spooked a bit especially when I told him I knew when he was awake because I would wake up at the same time. Seeing as he's five hours ahead and I don't sleep well, this was a slight issue. Sometimes he would tell me about a bad day at work regarding co-worker situations and I would describe their motivations and then hint at the outcome and have it come true later. I tried not to often because this falls under interfering. He was mostly okay with my gift/curse since his great grandma had it, too.) Talking to the dead? Yes, that is possible if I allow myself. My UK trip almost did me in during castle and church explorations. Jeezus. I had to shut that part of myself if I was able to enjoy the trip. I've read cards for people and held objects to give information among other things. You should see me park in a crowded lot, I will know where a space close to the front will open up. Don't even get me started on while I am on the phone with people. It can be a handy gift except when it comes to myself. Can't get info for myself in the manner I need. Isn't that the way it goes? Sigh.

Why am I telling you all this? Today, I re-approached one of the nicest (yet quiet as a church mouse) lady at work. Two weeks ago I had overstepped my bounds by telling her she needed to wear bright colors and was a brat about it. I was compelled but didn't know why until later when I got home. She's been shrouding herself with this faded out cardigan over her work clothes. I felt like a heel because she countered that she would get a new cardigan, but her budget didn't allow for it. If you know me, you would know that I have it in my head to get her a new one or two because of this compulsion. Now I've talked to this religious woman before about our lives. She admitted that she had been in a long term affair with a married man. She'd been punishing herself ever since by hiding the light I knew was peaking underneath. I've held back as long as I could, but mentioned the reason why today.

I gave her a heartfelt apology for my remark last time, but I told her that I felt she needed to be noticed by someone and in order for that to happen, she needed to come out wearing bright colors the whole time at work and off of work. I went so far as telling her she needed to wear lipgloss or lipcolor if she couldn't afford to buy clothes because someone needed to notice her. I apologized some more. With her kind eyes, she looked at me and said, "I know it pained you in your heart enough to tell me that. How did you know I was making some life changes and part of that was changing how I look?" We discussed this more and my other revelations about her. She looked like a weight had been taken off her shoulders and her face showed joy. Ended up receiving a hug from her because she was thankful for the confirmation on her decision. Sometimes I am the instrument where people get their confirmations on their lives or my words are the nudge they need for something. I don't take this lightly because it happens too often. There is more, but maybe we'll save that for another time when I get brave enough to share again.

It's late and I haven't eaten dinner. I think I'll have a glass of soy milk instead of eating leftovers from lunch at this late hour. May you have the sweetest dreams even if they don't tell you anything. It's great to wake up having sweet dreams.

Cheesecake and Intuition

No Drab Bird

Woke up alert and became more so thanks to cups of java. Bought some coffee pods again and dusted off my Senseo.

The drive for renewed energy has found me changing things in my surroundings the last two weeks whether it is the new mats for my car and front door to a new theme in my bathroom among many things. Cabal was not immune either. I spent about 30 minutes grooming him carefully during my Sunday morning television news magazine. No AGOL marbles were lost when he refused to cooperate with me during his hair trimming. He loves the brush but doesn't care for the scissors.

Had my nails done in the early afternoon and followed it up by taking the drive-thru car wash. I figured I shouldn't stop there so I used the car vac machine in the complex and then later parked in a shady spot by my apartment so I could detail the inside for 20 minutes and finally throw out those obsolete maps stuffed in both front doors. When it was dark and cooler, I sprayed foam shine onto the tires. Yup. Way into my car today.

With all this activity, I am still not fairing that great on Sundays. Perhaps someone could recommend a good exorcism plan for ridding yourself of Englishmen in your psyche? Okay, only one in particular because I still like a lot of English musicians and actors. Maybe I should take up eating large quantities of Marmite? That vile goo would cure anything that ailed you, but I am too afraid to eat even a teaspoon of it again. I get chills and trigger my gag reflex just thinking about it.

Oh, God. I am not even drunk blogging, but I am admitting that I still miss him and his friggin' Hoobie Hoos (don't ask). I had three different groovy shirts custom-embroidered for him relating to them. Each shirt had a nice graphic design and appropriate text. How many women would get t-shirts made as a response to someone's singing? He took the response incredibly well.

Guess I'm just a different kind of bird; my feathers are not drab that's for sure. Lord knows I've tried for 36+ years to make them drab and blend in the crowd, but the false color just keeps coming off. When they are bright again, I say to myself, Why be boring? Other people have that covered. Then the mad cycle starts again...Sigh. I'd better go beddy-byes now and heat up some warm milk for my new sleeping ritual.

No Drab Bird

Ain't No Sunshine

Headlight connector thing did not get switched this morning so I will have to make some kind of arrangement during the week. It drives me crazy when you're motivated to do something and the other half of the universe is not. My motivation for something like this has a very small window. Grrr.

The sound of machines cutting the grass around the complex broke through my zenlike morning. It continued for over an hour. The grass was too wet yesterday morning to be able to cut it properly.

I very much missed doing The Saturday Four this morning with Kimmee. We're definitely on for next Saturday.

My weekends better shape up soon or I will be a puddle of sadness. It is difficult when you've kept a certain schedule for so long and have to get used to something else. What really makes it difficult is that two weekends ago I was walking along following a path and all of a sudden the floor wasn't there on the way. It was that abrupt. No arguments. No mildly heated discussions if you wanted to stretch it to any kind of conflict that would lead up to such a thing.

I wish MEBFKAY would've talked to me more about how he felt and he's the kind of man who can, more so than the rest of his sex. His reasoning still doesn't jive with me and doesn't ring true. I know it is not me and it is his unhappiness within himself that has been driving (and stalling) things in his life. This is something he's been struggling with internally. It would be foolish of anyone to think you can workout that kind of thing for a person, but I know I was willing to do anything to help work through it by providing caring and support with some humour along the way.

I thought we were doing and thinking positive things to make things happen and expanding things in each of our lives. The one thing he really wanted lately, it was so close he could taste its sweetness of possibility, was postponed. I felt his frustration and disappointment, but it wasn't taken away, just postponed.

Honey, I wish you wouldn't have left me standing here with a bag full of gifts to give you. My (spiritual) arms are painfully heavy with them. I try to lessen the burden by shedding tears, but they just keep getting heavier. I cannot feel anger or hatred towards you. At this time, it is impossible. I am not sure if those would help if I could feel them...Would you please tell the dragonflies and send them to lift the burden?

Ain't No Sunshine

Leaky Spigot

This morning I put on my pearl earrings and was about to put on my matching pearl necklace when I remembered that it was broken. I broke it about two weeks ago during a wardrobe change. Need to find some place to get it restrung. Maybe I will ask my cousin's mother-in-law where she had hers done. Bummer.

Shamefully admitting that I read you know who's blog today. I still read it because it is usually good. In fact, it was his writing, the essence of him in his writing that made me read long enough to leave that fateful comment on his blog last December. His words wrapped around my mind like a ribbon of a heady drug before I could get a handle on it. Still don't have a handle on it apparently. He's getting all Woody Allen film on me the last couple of days. Poor thing.

When he was still known as Yummy, I would have sent him a note saying Kisses on your (fill in blank for ailment or other mysterious ouchies). Laughing out loud. It is kind of sickening, but you say the funkiest crap when it is just you and whomever...I miss the fucking idiot. Wait! No, that's not correct. I am the fucking idiot for missing him. Let's get that straight. ARGH!

Sometimes it just hits me like a drops from a leaky spigot. That's what happens when you are too giving of yourself. It takes a bit to extricate yourself from the crucible of emotions. It is not like I can NOT be myself, but most times I am just too giving. I never learn. Maybe I never want to. I really don't want to live giving less than myself, you know? I just need to honor my feelings as they arise for now as opposed to pretending they don't exist.

Speaking of being too giving, actually doing something for the temp tomorrow. It is not on the high scale of things, but it is still thoughtful and will be pretty to receive. You can't ignore birthdays. I don't want her feelings hurt and she will be surprised to receive something on a Thursday instead of the expected Friday. I teased Bridget that I didn't want her to miss out on the joy before her own vacation which starts Friday.

Oh my gosh -- Bridget! She was on the phone negotiating with her ex-husband. He is driving their son to Tennessee for a week's vacation while she is on her separate vacation in New York. Concerned about her son's safety, I heard her asking her ex-husband You're not going to drive like a retard, are you? How ironic that we were just discussing Bridget's personalized edition of Winning Friends and Influencing People.

Became very busy today and was everyone's Go-to Girl. It only means I've been there long enough to know things. These are the kind of info I will not be able to use if I ever decide to enter as a Jeopardy! contestant.

Drove home in a monsoon and thought about how Cabal will love walking in the rain. I was right. Ate a quick dinner that had jasmine rice. I noticed my eyes were starting to get round again. Watched Last Comic Standing for some laughs and the Dateline Special on recovering stolen iPods before heading for a reasonable bedtime. Not sure if I will wake up the same time or earlier. I'll let you know.

Leaky Spigot

Sacred Sunday...morning post

I can remember my mother many times saying that Sunday should be for rest. She forced my dad to do so on these days and made sure he relaxed and maybe received a bit of spoiling. He was the breadwinner and she would make sure that his weekends were enjoyably restful especially Sundays.

In a weird way of keeping with that tradition, I keep most Sundays to myself as a sacred day for me whatever that entails. My Sundays in the last several months have included MEBFKAY whether that was a skype conversation in the morning and/or the afternoon.

On the days I would have my nails done, I would cut it close to when we would have our cyber date as if dressing for it. He was always good about asking how my nails were. Silly man. I've always wished him a Happy Sunday and he caught on it, too. In fact, my first message or comment to him ever wished him a Happy Sunday. I am having my nails done this afternoon and there will be no rushing home after. Might as well change the timing of my visits to be earlier.

Funny thing, he mentioned to me once that Saturday mornings were not Saturdays unless we talked when I missed one and he was expecting me. I wonder if he felt the same yesterday as I am sure to feel about today...My Sunday morning TV news magazine is almost on. I'd better sip the comfort in my tea while it is still warm.

Sacred Sunday...morning post

So Far So Good

Forced myself to stay up until I was feeling queasy from no sleep. Made it to bed after 2am. It wasn't like I had to be up for MEBFKAY. Woke up two minutes before my 6am alarm. Walked Cabal and had two servings of yoghurt before my walk this morning with Kimmee.

Boy was it humid at the woods this morning! Enjoyed speed walking with Kim while catching up on each other's news. Already gave her a heads up on getting my Dear Jane letter from MEBFKAY last Sunday. She chalks it up to a midlife crisis. Yeah, that could be it, too. His birthday is in October which may not mix well with his health and stresses. Only God knows for sure.

Our walk now has become easier so we may need to think about either speeding it up some more or walking a longer distance to make it more challenging. Although, a big bee made it very challenging for Kim who despises bugs. She kept flailing around when it came which made it more curious. She almost ran to get away from it. I kept telling her that she just needed to calm down and keep walking. It would lose interest and find another soul to buzz around. The woman didn't listen so we had to deal with this for five minutes with her clutching the end of my shirt at some point. I would have teased her if it weren't for the real terror on her face.

Walked Cabal when I got back and updating you before I get a proper breakfast. Have some errands to run and need to touch base with Tawny and Jeff.

So Far So Good

Unstructured Time

It is 2pm and I am starting to think about the weekend looming over me. My life is full regardless of MEBFKAY, but I haven't planned out what I will be doing with the extra time yet. I've been too busy wrapping up things with my boss leaving and the usual date spoilers for us are not occurring this weekend. I have a feeling the suckage factor may be higher than anticipated. Of course, it can't be higher than last weekend.

Wish me luck please and send me some groovy vibes..

Unstructured Time

Full Tilt

I've decided that the worst part of my days lately have been the mornings. Feel like a pinball in a pinball machine bumping against flaps and bells. Bouncing from fighting back tears when I think of MEBFKAY to road rage at rush hour traffic to experiencing PMS symptoms. Makes for a mad morning.

Meetings with our boss who's last day is Friday and our interim boss have taken precedent. Our group is having lunch at The Cheesecake Factory tomorrow right before more meetings. I am going to miss my boss. He's a good guy. His official last day will be tomorrow, but he'll probably cut out early.

On a brighter note, I've realized it's official that I have the corner market on the greatest friends in the world and I will not hear any words against them!

IM excerpts.....

Nikki: Do you remember the card you gave me months ago? Well if you come by my cube you will find it on the wall here. It is here pinned to my cube wall and it brightens my day every day I look at it.

Tawnyia: Whomever you are speaking with at the moment feels like the center of your attention. You go out of your way to make sure everyone feels important and cared for. That is why we all love you so much.

Jill said when I told her what Tawnyia wrote: You do make everyone feel important. You do that for me. I listen to my card often. (A musical card of encouragement that plays "I Will Survive" that I had given her a couple of months back.) I have all of the little things that you give to me. Even the ribbon from the presents. I am lucky to have met you and YOU do make a difference in my life.

You can't buy genuine validation like that and all it took was being myself. I love it!

Kathy picked me up for dinner tonight. We went to a restaurant that I had seen being remodeled and wanted to see the results. The place looked great with its updated decor and bistro feel. Ended up ordering from the breakfast selections off the menu and finishing with our own pie slices. It was a great time filled with giggles.

We stopped at the grocery store after so I could pick up a cake and card for my boss tomorrow. Bridget will be helping with getting that and our invitees organized for a quick get together in the day. We want to make sure he realizes how much we appreciate him and want to wish him well.

The lesson here for the ladies is that you should never neglect your friends when you have a boyfriend because you will always need your friends. There shouldn't be drastic changes in your relationships with your girls. Who will catch you when your relationship fails? I always make sure my friends know they are still a part of my life and make time for them because I care deeply about them. Feeling their love back now.

Full Tilt

Spaghetti Strands

With lower lip quivering, I found myself fighting back tears as I drove into work this morning. Even an AGOL is not immune to mortal feelings of loss of a relationship especially when it was with a man she thought really special and still does though he is not very deserving at the moment. I think other feelings are permeating the wall of disappointment. It took several deep breaths and determination not to crumble before arriving at work.

I've told my closest friends and only one family member, Angie in LA. Those who know have expressed how much I am loved. Even Cabal, my Pretty Boy Dog, seems to understand. He's got a hidden agenda: no longer having to share his mistress with the familiar voice of MEBFKAY. They both were not exactly fond of each other.

Busy today as the designated buyer, but still posted midday blog stuff below. Expressing myself has been helping, but...sigh.

Bridget suggested doing something wild like attending this fetish night being held in Ybor City this weekend. While intriguing, I can keep my freak side more private without sharing with a ballroom full of fetish friends. Being part Asian guarantees a little freak going on. Besides, I'm fresh out of talcum powder. I'm not saying anything. I'm just saying.

Ate spaghetti for dinner. Made me think of the plate piled with a serving of noodles as an analogy. Life might be a plate of spaghetti sometimes, but if you pick one or two strands at a time, the plate will eventually be empty.

PS If you have any words of wisdom, please e-mail me from my profile.

Spaghetti Strands

MEBFKAY

Slept amazingly well considering the queer e-mail from My Ex-Boyfriend Formerly Known As Yummy (MEBFKAY) yesterday. Wish I would've had a long distance mood ring. Sometimes guys are worse than chicks.

I was ghoulishly expecting such a thing from MEBFKAY, but not over a lame letter...more respectfully and courageously in a proper call. I responded in a lengthy manner giving him an honest AGOL point of view. (eek!) That's the way the cookie crumbles. You're thinking you're getting a big cookie, but end up with crumbs. Thank goddess for dustpans.

Not bitter, not hurt -- worse, extremely disappointed. Is that weird? Received a lot of support today from friends which was I grateful for in light of the situation. He is still a good man. His loss...There are plenty of beautiful and magical things in the world yet to explore and admire for something like this to get me down.

That's all on the matter, folks!

MEBFKAY

Kids' Outing with Auntie Sarah

Up early to webcam with Yummy. Got to watch him eat cheese on toast and scratch from his skin allergies. Good thing I wasn't eating breakfast.

Scurried like a bunny to get ready so I could pick my goddaughter, her twin and their older brother. It was great to see them and have an outing with them. We enjoyed the new Harry Potter movie and had a great chat about it on my way to my aunt's.

Found out when I called my aunt to make sure she was home that Baby Colton and his family were visiting! This was great news to the girlies who have been asking about the baby. We arrived just in time for a late lunch.

Here is my aunt's newly trimmed banana tree. It even bears fruit!


Pop-Pop enjoying Baby Colton.


Carter suddenly enjoying the outdoors. He cracks me up!


The twins enjoying time with the baby and Grandma.


Took the kids to a bookstore for the new Harry Potter book and some other items they wanted. Will wanted a heavy metal CD but I wasn't sure if his parents would allow it. Later I found out that I could have bought AC/DC for him, but he received a heavy metal magazine instead. He had to walk out of there with something.

After taking the kids home, I almost made it to my own when I encountered the rain I have managed to avoid all day. I even made the kids bring an umbrella! Looking on the bright side, I didn't have to drive on the highway with kids in the rain.

Got home and took care of Cabal. Went online later to wind down and found a queer e-mail from Yummy. What was that all about? One queer e-mail deserves another...

Kids' Outing with Auntie Sarah