Last Love Infusion No. 6

My last chemotherapy was today and I almost could not believe it. I can take down the countdown counter I've had for almost three months on the right hand margin of my blog. It was a day for extra adventures for sure!

I got up at 5am, got ready and wrapped the cake pops I made for my surgeon before making breakfast for my aunt who stayed over and Tawny who came at 7:30am. As we were walking out, my aunt was distracted from the large leaf plants outside my apartment and then took a tumble on the pavement. She nearly gave me a heart attack! She was okay and mainly felt bad because I gave her such a worry that I was raising my voice at her (with curse words) on the way to the cancer center. Tawny was the referee and told me to pipe down as I drove us which was only less than 10 minutes away.

My blood was taken for the tests results my doctor would see an hour later. We went to get my refill for aftercare meds and then we sat by the cafe for a few minutes before the research worker found me and said if I checked in early I could get done in time so that I could have my stress test in time. She admitted she had to go a wedding a few hours away that evening and had to be on a time schedule. I didn't mind because so was I.

Off we went to check in early. A nurse soon whisked me away for vitals and then let me back in the reception area with the girls. We didn't have to wait long for me and my entourage to be escorted to a bigger exam room. A different doctor asked me questions and did the physical exam. She pressed against my lower lymph nodes and I giggled a lot because I am very ticklish which made her giggle, too. For a woman, you'd think she'd be more gentle on parts she has, too! My surgeon has really big hands and I have never felt any discomfort with his physical exams. AND AND AND -- she used latex gloves before I realized it. Guess who is allergic to latex?! She left to get my surgeon so I could complain to the girls.

My surgeon received about 30 cake pops. My aunt helped me make mine with chocolate cake and frosting mixed together, rolled into balls and chilled. Lollipop sticks were then dipped into melted chocolate and inserted into the balls before chilling again. They were then dipped into more melted chocolate and placed into mini-cupcake liners. I found four different colors in a polka dot pattern. These were on a tray to let set overnight.



In the morning I packaged them in to cellophane bags and put silver twisty ties on them. I also added another layer of mini-cupcake liner before packaging them for aesthetic reasons.



This is the end product my surgeon received. I placed some red crinkly paper inside a red tin before placing 30 cake pops inside. A giant cellophane bag for baskets was then wrapped around the tin and then adorned with the red with white polka dot satin ribbon. My surgeon loved it!



Tawny and I had stopped at Ikea on Wednesday night to get an apple-flavored sparkler drink for our faux champagne toast today. I had to take this picture after we got back home. Sometimes the big events in your life is about creating an "experience". I know today I created an experience for me and perhaps for the first time for my surgeon. How many patients would think to bring faux champagne and plastic champagne glasses to celebrate her last chemo? He did the honors of toasting us. I loved it!



I had my stress test which went well. My entourage looked on while I was hooked up to various electrodes and breathing masks Afterward, we picked up lunch from the cafeteria on the premises to bring back upstairs outside the chemo section. We wolfed down our lunch because we were hungry and everything was good. I was happy to not to have to rush my lunch for once before my chemo. You may recall that I am usually rushing against the anti-histamine drugs before my chemo cocktails. It makes me sleep no matter how hard I fight it.

Here are some views I will not miss:

This is the area of my port on my upper left chest. A one-inch needle is inserted and connected to tubes that is connected to other tubes for my chemotherapy.



These are my actual chemo cocktails. Two bags come before these for pre-meds. The total actual drip is 4.5 hours except today. More on that later.



These machines keep track on how much time is left and beep if there is anything wrong or when the bags are empty.



This was a view from my chemo chair as evidenced by my running shoes. The chair across the way is what the chemo patients sit in. I need two pillows to sit comfortably -- one for my lower back and one for my head. The chairs recline to give your legs support, too.



Halfway through my last bag of chemo, I had an allergic reaction that could have been really serious had my nurse not come by for me to ask about the temperature of the building. I was felt hot. I then told her I felt like I could breathe through my nose, like I had a cold. My chest was heavy. She asked me if it was getting better and I said no. She stopped my chemo and gave me oxygen tubes for my nose.

My nurse ended up calling my surgeon and he said to stop it completely and give me some more of my pre-meds for the allergic reaction. (This particular cancer drug shows some allergic reaction in some patients during the seventh cycle. Super overachiever that I am, showed it in cycle six.) I told her I needed to empty my bladder which she said would give her enough time to get another IV bag set-up. Another nurse escorted me to and from. When I got back my aunt was sitting in the chair with a worried look in her face. (I could only have one guest at a time so Tawny and my aunt took turns keeping a vigil or sat outside together why I slept through my chemotherapy.)

My face had been swollen and flushed. Within minutes of receiving the anti-inflammatory drugs, I was relieved to breathe some and the heaviness in my chest was gone! Wow. It was amazing and almost instant relief. The bag was only for 15 minutes. By this time, my aunt had gotten Tawny who was allowed to sit by me. Tawny knew I was getting better when I was giggling again. We stayed an extra 10 minutes just to make sure I was back to some kind of normal.

Tawny drove my car to a Mexican restaurant where we met her husband Jeff for dinner. Jeff left after our dinner to deliver something downtown and us girlies went to my favorite place for boba drinks, slushy fruit drink smoothies with tapioca pearls at the bottom we brought home.

This day went very quickly. My aunt and I talked about the whole day after Tawny left. She spent the night again on my couch. I made it to bed determined to get seven hours of sleep and to take my medications in time in the morning.

My lovelies, I am relieved. I have a CT scan for my chest and abdomen in three weeks to see if there is any cancer left lingering within my body. Another week after that is the appointment with my surgeon to discuss the results. Before that, next week, I receive the results for the thyroid biopsy from this past Wednesday morning. I don't anticipate anything wrong with that. My nodule is 1cm large. When you're a cancer patient and anything else crops up, you can guarantee there will be some kind of further investigation to rule out anything. This is my story and so far I am okay with it.

Thank you for my love and support! I am wickedly blessed.

Love,
Sarah xxoo

Last Love Infusion No. 6

Feeling Good

Changes at work and my feelings of fatigue have kept me from updating my blog. I thought about it each night, but I knew I just had to rest to manage my energy...

Our temp is gone now; her last day was Tuesday. She was re-hired temporarily because I was going through my chemotherapy. I now find myself busier than ever. I would love it extra if my brain and fatigue would cooperate, but I just do the best I can.

For the past three days, I've felt so much better. My good energy has been extended in the evening. You can't imagine how wonderful that is! Yesterday I left work at 7:30pm and still had enough energy to go grocery shopping by myself until 9:30pm. Dinner was served at Sprinklesville at 10pm. Not too bad...

This morning I made the resolve to see my hairdresser Tania so I could get a couple of packages of Korean brand faux eyelashes. She was ecstatic to see me judging by the long hug she gave me. As we talked and I updated her on things, she couldn't keep from hugging me. She ended up giving me four boxes of eyelashes and trimmed my wig a little to her satisfaction for free.



Tania is a very Christian woman. She kept telling me how great I looked and how she could see an inner glow about me. I told her I was wickedly blessed and she agreed. I was humbled when she told me that I have a rare heart especially when I can go through what I am going through and still find a way to give to others. She had no doubt I would receive continued blessings.

My next trip was to the craft shop to buy some components for the gift for my surgeon next Friday, my last chemo. Oh -- I didn't tell you -- Tawny is coming to my chemo along with my aunt. I am very excited to have both family and friends represented. Tawny is working extra hours to make-up for taking the day off. I appreciate her sacrifice for me.

For my last chemo, I am buying some sparkling cider and some plastic champagne glasses to toast with the girls and my surgeon. I can't wait to complete my last chemotherapy, but I am reticent to see how I will feel the following week as the chemicals work through. Sigh. I just have to get through it.

I also have to get a biopsy on my thyroid next Wednesday morning. My primary care determined to rule out anything that may be there. I had my ultrasound at a separate facility last Tuesday morning and in the afternoon I received a call from my primary doctor's office with the recommendation. Many people have benign nodules on their thyroid. I am releasing my feelings on the outcome whatever it may be. There is no reason to worry about something I know nothing about right now. I just make the necessary appointments and show up.

This evening was time for some fun. Jeff and Tawny came over for dinner and Scrabble. I made a creamy lemon garlic chicken with pasta and broccoli and some garlic bread to go along. We feasted like kings! Oh my gosh was everything good. For dessert, I scooped some fudgey chocolate ice cream and for a lame attempt at healthy, I topped each heaping bowl with fresh raspberries. Hee.

We went two rounds of Scrabble. Tawny and I each got to start the board. For some reason, when we start the board we are actually able to branch out, but when Jeff starts the board, we get pigeon holed into a corner of the board. Next time, we are playing with nine tiles each instead of seven to make it more interesting.

This coming week is jam packed with stuff but I will try to update you with something even if it is just with pictures. I am doing mighty fine thanks to your prayers and support.

Love,
Sarah xxoo

Feeling Good

Word Play

Do you remember the last time I cooked a meal for visitors that didn't involve my chemotherapy? Me neither. Tonight was the first time since last year I am entertaining purely for fun.

I started out early by going to do some shopping and ended up at the grocery store. By the time I finished around noon I was wiped out. I put my groceries away and ate lunch before taking a nap for some recovery time.

Tawny and Jeff came at 6pm to enjoy a home cooked meal of broiled marinated flank steak. It was accompanied by seasoned green beans, a wedge of cold lettuce for the quickest and simplest salad and my lazy (yet healthier!) mashed potatoes. Red potatoes were boiled until fork tender then placed on a sheet pan lined with aluminum foil and drizzled with some olive oil that has been spread out to coat pan. I then smashed each potato with a potato masher once. More olive oil was drizzled on the bed of mashed red potatoes followed by a good seasoning of kosher salt and freshly ground pepper. Finely chopped fresh rosemary was sprinkled on top for flavor. The oven was heated to 450 degrees and the potatoes were cooked until crisp about 30 minutes. I added some chopped red pepper and scallion rings for color and a fresh finish before scraping the potatoes off the sheet pan and into a large serving bowl. Yes, all of it was yummy!!

For dessert, I made what I now call my Raspberry Angel Napoleon. I sliced angel food cake and layered them with sugar-free whipped topping and fresh raspberries. I topped each serving with shaved 70% dark chocolate and some disco dust because I like sparkly. You've heard that before, haven't you?



The rest of the evening was spent playing Scrabble. We did two rounds that involved painful deliberations from Jeff. Where I play for a certain flourish with words, he was playing for high points. He won both rounds. Bastard. Ha. At some point when there were less tiles to choose from, my letter choices started to spell out Russian words or for Tawny what she perceived as Vietnamese words. She did have one set that spelled out "SO NASTY" and used the word NASTY on the board.

I was very interested in playing with these two brainiacs since we have never played Scrabble in the 12 years we've known each other. More importantly, I wanted to spend some quality and normal time with them. I am sick of having our only communication via instant messages or cell phone texts. It is just not the same when you are in person. Our recent get-togethers have also involved something with my cancer treatments. My treatments are almost over and I need to start transitioning into normal. I don't know if that is the appropriate word because my life is no longer normal and I can never return to what I knew as normal...

Cancer changes your perspective in life. It makes your world both myopic and expansive. Myopic in the sense that it weeds out the bullshit that used to bother you and expansive by lowering the fence on what you can accomplish. Things I thought I could not do before are doable. Getting back my health -- my strength and building upon that will be key. I've staged mini-milestones (in three phases) for myself for the next six months. Of course, the milestones need to be flexible because I don't know how my body will react to my last set chemotherapy. I believe I've built enough of a cushion before the second phase. The skeleton plan so far makes me feel good of what I can do to get ready to shape the future life I will lead. There is no word beatific enough for me to describe how I've imagined that life will be.

Kisses,
Sarah xo

Word Play

Sunday Race

I didn't mean for today to be another race against my meds, but I had no choice. Today was Kathy's last day at my place before she went back to her 2.5 hour drive up to Jacksonville. Her boyfriend Jamie was leaving on vacation the same afternoon and had to be home for their pets. I wanted to maximize my time with her.

Kathy kept joking about my energy. While I let her sleep in later than I did, I was moving around my apartment in stealth mode. None of my doors squeak in my apartment thanks to some special household lubricant called WD-40. Squeaky doors are bad feng shui -- means that energy is stuck in that areas of your life.

I made us a big breakfast and she expressed her desire to go to the Asian store later to buy some Asian veggies which I happily agreed on. We spent about an hour meandering about busy Asians getting their groceries before picking up sandwich orders for us and Tawny/Jeff for lunch. Jeff wasn't able to make it because he was still doing some pesky work for my company on his computer. This poor guy worked all weekend!

When lunch was over, Kathy cleaned the inside and outside of my sliding glass panel doors. I was more concerned about the dirty green pollen that had accumulated this spring on the outside. She also cleaned the front of my entrance door. All this to improve my feng shui. I do live feng shui as much as I can. It can't hurt, right? It just helps me focus on my intentions for my life with the universe... Tawny went home during the cleaning of the doors to take her husband his sandwich. Kathy would make a brief stop to their place to say goodbye to Jeff since he didn't make it.

My day wasn't over yet when Kathy left after 1pm. I did four loads of laundry, filled up the dishwasher, straightened the kitchen and took out trash as well as update my blog. As the afternoon wore on, my after care meds really kicked in. The mental fog began to surround my vision while my body seemed confused at the disconnect. I only have one more day to take the meds tomorrow. I dare not skimp on them just to avoid the discomfort. Sigh.

I spoke to Angie at night to let her know of my chemo day and other weekend adventures. She in turn told me of her adventures of hosting her mother/my aunt when she arrived back from her weeks long trip from the Philippines. Apparently, my aunt had an ear infection and a small cough, but they still had a great visit. I, myself, won't be able to see her until next Saturday; I need to make sure she is not coughing some crazy viral thing from the Philippines. It is a chance I can't take with my immune system.

So my lovelies...overall this was a great chemo weekend!

Kisses,
Sarah Sprinkles
xo

Sunday Race

Moon Under Water

No, I didn't forget about my aftercare meds that make me a little loopy. I took them and still decided to roll the dice. I was determined to have a fun weekend and not to make it about being shut-in like the last time. I was feeling good and wanted to take advantage of it.

Kathy and I picked up Tawny to go for late lunch/early dinner at this place I've been wanting to try for months called Moon Under Water, a British Colonial Tavern in St. Petersburg, which was less than hour away by the beach. The chef is from England so I felt safe in getting authentic grub.

Here it is from the road:


Inside from where I sat:


My BFF Kathy always smiling!


We shared a pierogi appetizer with curry sauce. I had a delicious meaty British Pasty and Tawny had a vegetarian pasty which were accompanied by peas and rice. Kathy had a tofu curry complete with pappadom. Everything was delicious! I can't wait to go back and try their "Stella in the Dark" which is Stella Artois beer with Guinness. This will be a discussion for my doctor on my next visit. Hee.

We decided to cross the street and walked around Vinoy Park. The area has Banyan trees that root themselves in the ground in the most unusual way. Offshoots from the branches come down and dig in the ground.





I love these boats on the water:




I made another batch of cupcakes for Kathy this morning while she went to visit Tawny across the apartment complex since I missed celebrating her birthday with her. This time it was vanilla cupcakes with homemade buttercream frosting tinted her favorite green color. They were topped with sprinkles, disco dust and some candles. Tawny and I sang Happy Birthday to her.



We enjoyed a serving (or two!) of cupcakes while we watched Slumdog Millionaire I had just purchased at the store before we went home. It was a great movie! It was late so Tawny went home with some cupcakes for her husband. Kathy and I stayed up for another movie musical called Nine. The director was the same for Chicago and Memoirs of a Geisha. Guess which one out of the three is my favorite?

Kathy said that the cancer patient was wearing her out. What she didn't realize is how I feel compelled to race against the stacked effects of taking the aftercare meds. Tomorrow I will start to feel it for sure. For today, I was able to forget it and have a great time!

Hugs,
Sprinkles

Moon Under Water

Three Days

These after chemo meds are like kryptonite on your AGOL. Not only does it cause a mental fog, but as mentioned previously it makes me both hyper and tired. Too tired too really concentrate, but too hyper not to complete chores around my apartment.

On Saturday, I had two visitors. My cousin's wife Michelle visited for a spell while she waited for her daughter to attend a birthday party at a nearby museum. Tawny came by in the evening to drop off some eggs for me after her trip to the grocery store. I cannot drive for four days after my chemotherapy. Maybe the fourth day later in the afternoon if I push it.

On Sunday, I did all my laundry and some light cleaning. It sounds like a lot, but really it wasn't. My body would not allow any heavy duty stuff. I was concentrating on managing my energy for the next day.

Today, I worked from home starting at 7am and ended around 3:30pm. I survived two conference calls at 10am and 1pm. As you know my memory is affected these first days so I had to proofread and write every little thing I did which was good. It helped me to see how productive I was. Maybe I was overcompensating for being at home? I was pleased with my progress.

A nurse was supposed to come see me today. I should have canceled it on Friday while I was at the hospital after my talk with my surgeon, but I didn't. After two calls two my regular nurse to make time after my conference calls, I received a call from a different nurse at 4:30. Really?! She woke me up from a nap and told her it was okay. Upon waking further, I called her office and canceled. She called me herself to salvage the appointment. I said yes, but ended up canceling when she called me at 6:15pm to tell me she was about 20 minutes away. Good grief. I was ready for dinner, my last set of kryptonite meds and a shower to make it an early evening before watching some sitcoms. Urgh.

I called my dad and stepmother to check-in. My dad though in retirement is one of the busiest retirees I know with all the associations and church related activities he takes part of throughout Chicago. He holds high positions in a few. My stepmother is still receiving 1-minute radiation daily on her breasts for breast cancer. She has a couple more weeks to go. Luckily, she gets to avoid any chemotherapy. We both get to exchange stories on our health. It is an odd bonding which has made us the closest we have ever been since she's been married to my dad almost 20 years this year.

Tomorrow I will work from home again just to be safe. My memory will be better but it is my slight hazy vision that makes driving and seeing the road a little challenging. Sunglasses will be in order for sure until Thursday while driving. Thank God my vision for seeing my laptop is great. Don't you wish you could share such fun?

Hugs,
Sprinkles xo

Three Days

No Rest for the Wicked

Kids are natural ghouls -- fans of things gross, uncomfortable and slightly scary. The kids in my family are definite ghouls. We are constantly teasing them mercilessly. This afternoon I had my cousin's kid Kristen sit on my lap facing me and watch as I slowly revealed my bald head by pushing back the wig off my head.

"Ew! Don't ever go outside like that," was her response.

I wasn't offended in the least. We were giggling the whole time. Her brother Carter watched with his mouth open as he peered on the other side of the sliding glass doors into the living room. I asked him later if it was weird. He smiled big and said "yes". Later he told me how much he liked my wig. Their mother said I reminded her of Cirque du Soleil with the dramatic make-up and bald head. It was an odd comparison but I knew what she meant. I got up and showed her husband in the front room. He didn't bat an eyelash. I think he was taken aback and trying to keep cool. For once, he was speechless.

Why reveal to the kids? I had talked about getting shaved weeks ago and when they saw me this time around I had a new hairdo. I find it easier if you are more honest with kids about what is going on in your life, in this case -- cancer, and what happens during the its treatment. Knowing things gives them comfort instead of wondering why the appearance of someone they love keeps changing in an unusual way. You don't have to be macabre or bang them over the head with the truth; however, being secretive does them no favors...

I have not blogged in a while because I have been mentally tired from work and my evenings have been consumed with planned and unplanned visits. On Wednesday, I was too tired from my Tuesday night outing. Serina visited on Thursday because she wanted to paint my toes a very dark apple red. Friday had Tawny making a stop to visit after she and her husband walked around the apartment complex around 8pm.

Why not turn them down I hear someone asking? I don't turn them down because my chemo is on the 23rd and during that weekend I am sequestered at home to recover from my third infusion. Maximizing my time with friends and family in between chemo recoveries is very important to me no matter how it tires me.

By noon today I had already gone with Kimmee to a quilt shop. I bought a yard each of three fabric designs I am going to sew into envelope pillow covers for the pillows on my sofa. One of my goals is to do manageable changes within my apartment during my chemotherapy (two and a half more months!). I can't sand and prepare furniture for paint and paint them but I can do some light sewing.

My aunt changed our dinner plans for Sunday to this afternoon since my cousin's family was available. You may remember telling you that my aunt is going to the Philippines next week for three weeks. This meant that I had to cancel my dinner plans with Kimmee and Serina. Family first...

I made one stop to my new happy place before venturing to my aunt's. The owner was singing and playing an electric guitar as I walked in. I placed my signature order of jackfruit with mango jelly and boba (translation: jackfruit flavored slush drink with little bits of mango flavored jelly and giant tapioca pearls at the bottom) with the Vietnamese guy behind the counter. I had to reveal to him that I had my Asian license to order that particular flavor. HA! Once I assured him I was half-Filipino, he seemed relieved to make me the drink again from the last time I was in the cafe. He was too busy before to ask.

When I was finished confirming my order and turned towards the small stage, the Caucasian owner was excited to see me and announced to me from the stage how he was having his own private concert. I clapped to show my own enthusiasm. He was a better guitar player than singer, but I appreciated his enthusiasm while he sang "Your Song" by Elton John while my drinks were being made. (I ordered an extra one for my aunt to try.) My drinks were ready when he started another song. I raised my drinks to him on the way out and I was rewarded a smile and accompanying wink for my effort. His age was hard to tell with his boyish face and all gray hair. I will have to wait two more weekends to bring my laptop and actually sit a while.

The week before chemo seems to have a harried pattern to try and get things done. I have extra cleaning to do as well as make my chemo candy bracelets. Wish me luck on making it through with work and everything else. There is no rest for the wicked.

Hugs,
Sprinkles

No Rest for the Wicked

You Cannot Make This Up

Forgive me -- Everything has caught up with me and made me a little tired so this is a rush post...

Thursday and Friday were very good days at work. I felt like myself again. Saturday I met Kristey and Myrna for a long breakfast. The rest of the morning and a part of the afternoon were spent bumming around town shopping for more beads and some grocery. Kimmee invited me with her family to a Japanese steakhouse for some yummy dinner. On Sunday, I waited for a nurse to come see my wound. Part of it had reopened -- surface only!

I've driven to and from work with Tawny the past two days as her husband had taken time off for his birthday which was today. I treated both of them and their eldest son to a favorite haunt where we had a jovial dinner. We also went to my new happy place, a bubble tea cafe, before driving us home...

You cannot make this up -- I noticed the bruise on my left forearm is heart-shaped! I received it after a nurse stuck a needle in there and dug a little for a vein before my chemo two Fridays ago. My port was acting up so she had to take blood from another vein. If you were in front of me and looked at my arm you would see a heart staring at you. I even bruise in hearts!



Hugs,
S

You Cannot Make This Up

Better Yet Fuzzy

I debated about posting today. Thanks to a couple of hours yawning in front of me, I will.

There was nothing earth shattering today. I woke up a few minutes before my 4:30am alarm. I was more than ready when Jeff and Tawny came around 6:30am. What I was not prepared for was how empty my office was at 7:06am. I had to use my badge to get past the 8th floor reception and walk around semi-dark halls. I could have sworn I heard crickets!

Lights flooded my floor within 30 minutes. By this time, I was about to get my second cup of coffee to wake-up. My meds from last night were still in effect. I would do anything today to facilitate flushing the last effects as well as chemo working through my system.

My work today was more focused on easy ended tasks which was a great way to get back into the swing of things. Projects that I was involved with were put back in my lap. I will have to devote the next several days to learning our new accounting system since it has been months since I first touched it. My buddy Bridget will be training me.

My return to work will allow for my other team members to feel that they can start taking time off since they've had self-imposed moratorium on time off. Next week, my boss' kids' have Spring Break as do Bridget's son. My boss will be off all week while Bridget will take Thursday, Friday and the following Monday off. All this means is that I need to get up to speed. My chemo brain should be much cleared for new learning and handling things starting tomorrow. I am anxious to be a solid and productive member of my team again.

If it were not for the brain fog, I think today would have felt like normal. People were still coming around and that's how I know it is not quite normal. I have to learn not to be so hard on myself. My journey to wellness is a big deal and will take time. Living with it, at least in my case, makes it seem less. It is my attitude and the immense love and support I've received that have made it easier to bear each day.

Jeff retrieved me at 3pm and I was definitely ready to go. It was another early day and because I didn't take a nap after getting home, this day seems a lot longer. I just have to take a shower and head for bed. Three hours more until bedtime. Yawn.

Better Yet Fuzzy

Hidden Bunny

Cancer surgery and chemotherapy have affected and permeated all aspects of my being. From reading my entries since January, you know it all already. Whereas I would have driven to my aunt's home for Easter Sunday dinner today, I was forced to spend the time at home for recovery -- essentially making me a shut-in. Perhaps I could have made the trek, but I am no fool to chance it.

I dressed up a little today anyway instead of being in another set of pyjamas like yesterday. My phone was busy with sending and receiving Easter messages. The meds made me extra sleepy around lunch and I didn't hear my aunt's initial phone call to come over.

My aunt and uncle wanted to come and bring me some cooked food this afternoon so I wouldn't have to cook for a few days. I called them back about a half hour later. They ended up not having a traditional Easter meal either since their grandkids and my cousins came right after church for a two hours before celebrating the other grandma's birthday on the other side of town. My aunt and uncle had not expected the short visit but I know this pleased them immensely.

The food drop off last no more than ten minutes which was okay. I was grateful to see a family member. I then prepared all the food in more manageable and separate containers. My aunt had made beef and broccoli which I know Tawny enjoys so I made her a container for her lunch tomorrow complete with rice and a packet of soy sauce on top of the plastic lid. I texted her of the news...

Bananas. You can buy bananas thinking you can eat the whole bunch before they ripen to that stage that is almost uncomfortable to chew. Today I had three that I couldn't let go another day so I made banana muffins. While baking them in the oven, Tawny texted me that she was on her way over.

Tawny came bearing her own gifts of a plate of traditional Easter dinner and an adorable basket of Easter candies and blue marshmallow peeps:



I was thrilled at the gifts and I am never too old to receive Easter candy baskets. I giggled. Tawny stayed for a little bit to chat and to breathe from her apartment full of her extended family. We also tried out the delicious banana muffins. She went home with her lunch for tomorrow as well as some banana muffins. There was no way I could eat it all and I didn't have any room left in my freezer to store some.

The rest of my evening was making a list and preparing all my stuff for work tomorrow. Took more meds and showered. Now enjoying tea before bedtime. Hope you had a great Easter!

Hidden Bunny,
Sprinkles xxoo

Hidden Bunny

Worn Out

Wore myself out the last couple of days. It was no surprise that I needed to be horizontal on the sofa for a few hours today and be away from the computer. My "To Do List" had a couple of items which prevented a whole day of relaxing.

Cleaning my tub and sink with Lysol formulated with bleach took my breath away. I had to turn the fan on and not breathe too much while I scrubbed the tub. It wasn't really dirty but I am OCD. My bathroom is one of the cleanest ones around!

My bald head was nice to have while putting on my make-up. It made it easier and not have to move hair around. The wig went on nicely right after. Having a bald scalp feels a little freer if I may say. It is not as bad living with it as I thought it would be. Good thing.

I had called the pharmacy earlier to get my prescription refilled so that when I went through the drive-thru it was ready. After that quick stop, I drove to the Asian store for some proper noodles for a Filipino dish called pancit and a couple of boxes of my favorite tea.

Soon after I was cutting veggies and chicken breasts in my kitchen to saute with garlic and onion. The thin rice noodles were rehydrated with hot water for several minutes then drained before I put them in the big pot with the veggies and chicken. A handy can of chicken stock gave the noodles the rest of its hydration to flavorful plumpness. The noodle mixture was properly seasoned with soy sauce and a bit of fish sauce. It was yummy! When I plated some for my dinner, I topped it off with some ponzu sauce since I didn't have fresh calamansi or tart citrus.

I took my place back on the sofa to rest a couple of hours later and I texted my BFFs while watching TV. Tawny texted to say that she and Jeff were walking around the apartment complex and wanted to visit me. I warned that my wig was off but put it back on during the visit to show Tawny. They visited for about a half hour. Tawny left with a container of pancit for her lunch at work tomorrow.

I'm tired right now. My posts may not be every day starting tomorrow just because of work and chemo; however, I will try my best to post even for a few brief paragraphs.

Love,
Sprinkles xxoo

Worn Out

Lemonade

My favorite recent quote is by Guy Fieri, chef and television star:

If God gives you lemons, make lemonade, and hopefully you’ve got some friends with vodka.

The Universe has been giving me tools to make lemonade with top shelf vodka. Hey, with my current life, I need some spiritual vodka since I cannot have any alcohol. Okay -- it is recommended that I do not consume any alcohol.

My post yesterday on Chemo Candy by Sarah Sprinkles was a hit. It got noticed by a site that wants me to publish an article regarding my bracelets. The site provides support to families dealing with cancer. The lady asked if I sold them. Not yet. I am still setting up my Etsy shop and I have to make extra product to sell online. This will fund my bracelets so I can give more!!! I am not there to make high profits, but it would be great to have my bracelets self-funding. Soon I will have bracelets and related-themed product online. Isn't this wonderful?

Tawny's husband* dropped her off at my place this evening. We shopped for more beads and ate some taco action. She left me early so she could get some stuff done. My mind was busy building ideas for my 'smile' empire. Ha. Today's e-mail was an affirmation to the direction I want to take my life which has a vein in public service. When you're as blessed as I am, you need to find a way to give back. Let's make some lemonade!

Love,
Sarah


*Jeff has also volunteered to be there for me on Monday since my aunt cannot make it. Apparently, he's an expert on blubbering females. ;p I've also asked him to do henna tattoos on my bald head as soon as I get clearance from my surgeon next Friday. If I am going to have a shorn head, may it still be adorned!

Lemonade

Vanity Blues

Time flies when you're a social butterfly and a beading fool...

Saturday was Tawnyday. We spent part of the day shopping for more components for my bracelets as well as some sewing stuff. By the time we finished we were famished for lunch. We hiked up our Lederhosen inside a casual German restaurant. One more shopping stop and we went our own separate ways. Tawny came over again in the evening for beading and chatting. Her husband was sweet enough to remember me during his baking day. I was the recipient of a loaf of banana bread. Yum!

Sunday was almost a lazy day, but the family dinner I planned to celebrate my aunt's 65th birthday was scheduled for 4:30pm. During my shower I found myself sobbing because my days of being able to enjoy shampooing and conditioning my hair are numbered. I got myself together to meet my family at a Greek restaurant where we enjoyed our feast and the live music. (Yes, I was just at the same restaurant with Jill on Friday.)

When I came home, I called my cousin Angie to give her an update on the dinner. I also ended up sobbing some more and discussing my impending hair loss. I will be losing something that gives me great joy. Over the years I have spent more money than any of my friends on my hair cuts and color. I take care of my hair. It is a conscious part of me and I will lose the joy it gives me. Meanwhile, there are women who barely run a brush through their hair or even care enough to color their hair that get to keep their hair. It is not fair. Any day now I will see clumps of hair coming off my scalp thanks to the chemotherapy working through my system.

For a long time I will not be able to wash or dry my hair, color and cut, flip or slide strands from my face or put behind my ears once I have it shaved next Monday. I feel ashamed at how I am carrying on about this when there have been people who have lost their hair because of more horrific things like genocide. I know I am more than my hair, but it is that part of woman that gives her some allure, a part of her sexuality. It is one of the first things a man notices about a woman he meets.

Eventually all this chemo crap will be over and my life will start again. A part of that is dating. Yes, I will have my wig and scarves while I wait for regrowth, but it is not the same. It is one more thing I have to explain to someone new. Surely I can be forgiven for being so vain?
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Vanity Blues

Cabin Fever

My best plans were foiled by my nurse yesterday. She didn't get to come until 2pm. I was starting to feel cabin fever. There is one thing to feel like staying home and being forced to stay home. It was just as well because my brain was experiencing "Groundhog Day" with my meds. Ugh. My nurse did give me good news that my wound in my belly would soon be all closed up by the weekend and could comfortably scar over and heal. I decided then that we would cut down our visitation to once a week just to be sure.

Tawny came to see me in the evening and to finish up our initial set of crystal bracelets that I am having the Sprinkles Posse wear while I am in chemotherapy. She hasn't been feeling well either with a serious bout of anemia. It is serious enough to warrant a blood transfusion. Since she just started her new job two weeks ago, Tawny has been staving off this measure until further results from yesterday's blood work and an ultrasound this afternoon. I am worried because she does so much for others and that includes me!

............

Today was my day to combat cabin fever. I didn't have to take further "nasty anti-nausea meds right after chemo". My brain just had a slight mist. I made plans to mail my reimbursement for my $285 wig to my health insurance as well as mail one of the bracelets below to my friend Kathy in Jacksonville.



I am wearing one of the crystal bracelets as is Tawny. My friend Dianne will get hers when she visits me next Thursday and I delivered one to my friend Sandy this afternoon. If anyone wants to wear one until at least end of June, please let me know. I will mail it anywhere in the world. Just e-mail me at helloagol_@_yahoo_dot_com or from my profile. This is my design and are all hand strung. Tawny had to help me with this set as my brain was a bit foggy to try to manage installing the clasp. There are teal color bicone beads which signifies Ovarian Cancer like breast cancer is pink. (Also, please let me know sizing 6.5in? 7in? 7.5in?) The bracelet is a tangible support in my cure. DUE DATE FOR OFFER APRIL 2, 2010 or while supplies last.

Before visiting Sandy this afternoon, I had my new passport pictures taken. My passport expired in January and I wasn't able to renew it on time thanks to my surgery. I wore pink and actually smiled. This was different from psycho-killer pose of years ago and the outfit was heinous!! LOL I just had to make sure I still had my own hair in the pic. There is no beauty rest in Shallowville!

Sandy has been wanting to see me since she brought me a houseplant and yellow daffodils while I was in the hospital. She's been offering up any bit of help to me. Her whole family is such and I've treasured her friendship for 15 years. More importantly, I wanted her to see me as I am now before I have my head shaved. Sandy had seen me about 40lbs heavier at Christmas thanks to my burgeoning tumor-filled tummy so seeing me upright and much trimmer was a great surprise to her. She said I looked much healthier today.

Not too far from Sandy's is my aunt's house. I stayed for dinner to enjoy being around my family and I know they were happy to see me out and about. I made mention that today would be my mother's birthday -- my aunt's will be Friday, too. Both women named Maria and both as precious to me as anything.

I felt like a reverse vampire going home trying to get home before sundown since my vision was a bit impaired from chemo. I made it within 10 minutes of no sun. Tawny made me keep vigil of each place I visited today so she could be assured I'd be home okay. It was a great feeling to text her from home...Spoke to Angie twice in Los Angeles tonight. Now I am going to prepare for bed!

xo
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Cabin Fever

A New Dawn

The first few minutes of waking involved me taking inventory how I felt physically and mentally. Physically my body didn't harbor any pain to really note other than leftovers from the outpatient surgery on Thursday. My mental clarity was surrounded by a light fog akin to the effects of taking cold pills. I made sure to eat breakfast and to take the medications exclusively prescribed to control any possible nausea. Three pills total of two kinds twice a day for three days. I waited another two hours to take my everyday water pills for my legs. Vitamins may have to be included sometime soon just to make this new pill-popping hobby fun.

My bowels were none too happy this morning assuring me of the chemo in my system. I was worried, but realized I should only worry if the malady persists. I am hoping the side effects of all my meds will cancel each other out and give me normal "doings", if you will. Sigh.

Through the light brain fog, I was alert with energy. I managed to take meds with breakfast, update my blog, take a shower and make lunch for my aunt and me. She worried that I was tiring myself and I was waiting on her too much when it should be the opposite. I wanted to as long as I could still manage it.

Kimmee came over with doggie Belle for a couple of hours for a visit and to deliver a sample of the tongue scraper Kimmee had purchased a while back. It is a very important dental hygienic tool if you've never used one. Your body secretes waste in many different ways like your bowels, skin and through your tongue. Brushing only moves stuff around, but scraping the tongue removes waste and keeps your breath fresher. With chemo, I am even more resolved than I am now to clean my tongue to ward off bacteria.

My uncle came to pick up my aunt around 3:30pm and Kimmee left soon after. My visitations were not complete until Tawny came to drop off a "power picture" she found for me. She framed it in an IKEA black frame to remind me of who I am and how I am to forge with Amazonian strength like that of my childhood idol Wonder Woman through the last part of my cancer cure.



Here is opening theme from Season 1, Original Series set in WWII:


Season 2 Opening of The New Adventures of Wonder Woman, updated for the 1970's from Season 1:

PS I love that Diana Prince/Wonder Woman (played by Lynda Carter) is wearing a headscarf in this video as I will soon!

Fighting the Axis,
Sprinkles
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A New Dawn

Bargello Heart Warmed

Repeating last week's events would not be as much fun as say......applying bandages to yourself and ripping them quickly off your body hoping the glue didn't take any hairs. Yes, it was so memorable that I will try to briefly comment.

Last Wednesday had me screaming and crying not only to my aunt but to my cousin Angie over a misunderstanding about my approach to my health. I am sure Angie enjoyed me screaming at her at 7:30am her time and abruptly hanging up on her when I sensed myself about to hyperventilate. This incident was over by the afternoon and everything was all good again.

The hospital nurse was not "all there". I had run out of my pain meds and it took an Act of Congress to contact the doctor to release the refill. To his credit, he was in surgery, etc. Tawny drove me to retrieve it from the hospital pharmacy. The nurse also forgot to mention my appointment for this week until I called her on a different matter a day later. There was another issue with my surgeon for his signature and notes to be faxed to my insurance so that my extension to go back to work (tentatively March 15th) would be approved and I would continue to get paid. This part was nerve wracking. It was faxed last minute on Friday afternoon.

Another concern was making sure my home health care to change my wound vac dressing was transferred from Brandon (suburb of Tampa) where my aunt lives to Tampa where I live. The nurse seemed to have a problem calling, etc. to confirm her arrival. Once she was here, she was okay. She came last Friday, too.

During all this I was trying to prepare for Kathy who was coming from Jacksonville to stay with me all weekend. This poor woman took down and put away my Christmas decorations. She also cleaned most of my apartment and drove me on a big grocery shopping trip. Where I am to put the excess food I don't know. Kathy also carted in packages of almond milk, hemp milk and other organic groceries when she arrived! Oh, she also gifted me a beige baseball cap with some shiny silver dots or bling on it that was in the image of skull and cross bones. Very cute! I wore it during my nap late Sunday afternoon. Hee.

AND -- In the middle of all this, my uncle Al from Germany had arrived on Tuesday evening as well as Angie from Los Angeles on Thursday to be with Nan. On early Saturday morning, Nan passed on to be with God. Everyone had been able to say goodbye. Kathy and Tawny accompanied me that evening to my aunt's home to be with everyone. My aunt and uncle looked relieved and tired, but were thankfully distracted for several moments by their smiling grandkids. Nan's Tampa service is tomorrow night. Her body will be flown Wednesday to Baltimore for another service on Thursday and then she will be buried next to her husband. My aunt and two uncles will go and meet the rest of Nan's grandkids in Baltimore as well as her old church family.

................................

I know I've been overdoing it. Today I tried my best not to, but I half succeeded. I moved furniture just a little (five inches here and there!)... My air conditioner had not turned itself off so I did because I got too cold. When I turned it on again later, it was not blowing cold air. For the first time I consciously used cancer to get the unit fixed immediately. My reasoning to them was not a lie and was supported by the visiting nurse. It yielded the desired results. Three hours is lightyear speed for this place.

The early evening held a pleasant surprise. My friend Kim, her husband and pretty dog Belle came to see me and dropped off the lap quilt Kim had made for me. The center had been completed for years; I had not found the time to get the binding sewn so she took it from me last week to finish. The colors are bright. I had a hand in picking out the fabric colors and of course it was a heart design in Bargello style. The details are best appreciated in the video below.

My tea is just right for drinking about now. I am going to sit in my favorite chair with my new quilt adorning my lap as I read a little. Sounds marvelous doesn't it?



Love,
Sprinkles xxoo


PS Let me not forget Jill who was first on the scene to offer her own sunshine when I ran out last Wednesday after venting my anger on facebook. ;p
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Bargello Heart Warmed

Back Home

We struck while the iron was still hot around noon. My bags were packed and my uncle was ready to take me back to my apartment so he could drive back and be with Nan at the nursing home. It all happened pretty quickly. By this time, my pain meds were gone; the refill hadn't been approved by my doctor. I had spent a good amount of time packing everything and dropping a lot which meant I had to keep picking them up from the floor.

Approaching my apartment door was a surreal experience after being absent for over four weeks. The inside smelled the same. Christmas decorations were still emitting a jolly feeling for a holiday almost two months old. I had my uncle put my luggage and bags on top of my bed for easier access.

I made a couple of calls to reach Tawny to retrieve my car for a quick trip to the grocery store for cereal and milk. My uncle drove me a couple of buildings over. I could see that she was rushing to clean fast food cups from it. I was excited to be able to drive even though I hadn't been released to do so by my doctor. Tawny gave me a warm greeting and invited me to a casual spaghetti dinner at her apartment. She still had weekend guests. I accepted only if she would pick me up because my energy level would be depleted by that time.

Driving hadn't changed my impatience and temper with other drivers. Ha. I felt a slight headache but hoping my sunglasses would shield the bright sun assaulting my eyes that had been hiding indoors. The trip to the grocery store made me uneasy since I had to walk by myself without my walker/stroller. I quickly waved to a clerk collecting carts in the parking lot to give me one which I clutched in front of me for support as I made my way inside. Noticing that other shopper's curious eyes zeroed in on my small shoulder bag holding my wound vac battery and canister made me feel conspicuous. The long clear plastic hose attached to it and me was wound around my right forearm while the rest of it dangled from it. I tried not to take offense.

My most disheartening moment was realizing that making it to the produce section of the store for fresh fruit seemed too far to walk even though it was about four aisles away. By this time, I had already been meandering for about 20 minutes. My concern was conserving my energy for the drive home and not feeling too achy.

When I finally made it home, I realized that I would need help to redress the bed so I called Kimmee to see if she was in her office. Luckily she was and stopped hours later with her dog Belle. I was able to eat lunch, re-launder my sheets for freshness and enjoy a nap before they arrived. Soon my bed was redressed and numerous decorative pillows were arranged on top of the duvet. Belle captured my attention while Kimmee and I chatted in my living room. Her little heart breaker was attention seeking but made not a sound and instead just focused her big brown round eyes on me commanding me to keep petting her. Minx.

The casual spaghetti dinner was great! I had the best time hanging out with some of my friends and meeting new ones. My plate was full twice (piggy Sprinkles!) and I scarfed a nice slice of ice cream cake when it was served. I did take one small tasting sip of butterscotch martini which was a like ambrosia and made me feel like little girl being allowed a forbidden taste. It was almost 11pm when Tawny zoomed me around the corner. Hot tea and my bed beckoned after a big day back. I ignored my aches that were making themselves known. Being in my own space just felt too good.

[Possum was correct -- I am the most sociable sick person I know!]
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Back Home

How I Roll

Chalene Johnson is an inspirational fitness instructor. I first heard about her through Beach Body where her video set called "Turbo Jam" is sold. I've owned a set her videos for more than a year. It is the most fun you can have exercising at 5am; however, due to the progression of my dis-ease, I was forced to abandon my exercise routine months ago.

One of her blog videos summed up how I am dealing with my dis-ease. She talked about the difference between merely surviving and conquering situations in your life. Basically anyone who is still alive after traumatic situations survives it and is a survivor. Those who take charge and own the situation conquer and become conquerors. This label being special and unique as it denotes owning the situation rather than merely enduring.

This brings me to the last couple of days. My last post was about my new haircut which I love more each day. Yesterday was my rescheduled doctor visit -- it was supposed to be tomorrow but my doctor had other plans. Tawny was unable to take me because she had an interview in the morning. Luckily for Sprinkles, Tawny's husband Jeff volunteered to drive me as he had already taken the day off for other things.

My doctor took off the rest of the tape strips across my stitches and decided to leave on my wound vac dressing. He could see that I was progressing nicely and in great spirits. His next words brought me back a little. Chemotherapy was on his mind -- more importantly, me being part of a clinical drug trial. I was thrilled to be able to help or so I thought.

Minutes later I was being briefed by a nurse about the clinical trial. It would involve including an additive to the chemo mix I would be infused with during the next several months; otherwise, it could be a placebo because of the blind testing they were conducting. The more she talked, the more I was slightly dismayed and quite horrified at the side effects not to mention the extra CT scans, etc. She piled on a bunch of brochures and pamphlets for me to read and to assist me in making a decision very soon.

Jeff drove us to get a late breakfast before he took me home. I discussed the doctor's visit. We are of the same mind of helping science progress; however, I was just not fully on board inside. It was my uncle who helped me feel better about the decision not to participate. He reminded me that I am a single person with a single income living by myself and that I have a responsibility not only to myself but to work (for income). It would be different if someone would be there in the middle of the evening next to me to help me should I have adverse reactions. His words resonated and my inner voice reminded me that I have already donated my tumor to them for research so it wasn't a complete "no" to the progression of science. Tomorrow I get to tell them...

Today I visited my workplace to speak with HR and to tell my boss about my tentative date to get back to work on March 15th. My surgeon wants me to have one interval of chemotherapy before I go back to work to see how I react to the chemicals. I won't lie -- I was a bit depressed to wait longer to resume my job. He also told me that I would lose my hair pretty quickly. Nice. In an odd note, I will get a prescription for a wig to be paid by my insurance. I would like it soon so I can have it styled to what I have now. I will temporarily assume the persona of Telly Savalas. As soon as chemo is done, I will grow my hair again and wait to get extensions when they are long enough to hold them. Yes, Shallowville never ever sleeps in Sprinklesville! Hee.

Back to the work visit...Everyone seemed stunned to see the new Sarah. I've lost 38 pounds now since the surgery a month ago which obviously makes a big difference in how I look. The new haircut didn't help them either. Ha!

It is my responsibility to set the tone when meeting people after my surgery and my tone is almost always effervescent. This made today's visit fun. There were a couple of people treating me with a "pity approach" in their way of trying to be sensitive. How I detest this!!! It just drives me crazy with annoyance. Pity is not me. To iterate, we are approaching this dis-ease with a project plan (July completion date) and with humor. If you are not on board with that, then I cannot associate with you. I will be goddamned if I spend the next several months mewling and walking around half dead in spirit and in body. I am set to conquer this and not merely survive. Dis-ease is not a reason to give up, look ugly and lose your humor. I am making every effort for health and beauty. We all respond to positivity. That is HOW I ROLL.

Love and Health,
Sprinkles xxoo

PS I am going back to my apartment either Monday night or sometime Tuesday barring unforeseeable circumstances. I have a "honey do" list that my girlies will be helping me complete as I progress in the best of health.
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How I Roll

New Do

My hair received the cut I have been planning for weeks and I love it! Tania, my stylist, was loathed to make the cuts needed to achieve the shorter look. She seemed sad until I encouraged her and turned it into a positive thing by reminding her that I was cutting away old energy and that I was looking forward to a sexy new look.

Here is the carnage on the floor. From the longest point in the back to the shortest section in the back was about a 12-inch cut. Tawny teased that some of the clumps on the floor resembled small dogs. Silly girl.



This is not the official photo. This is the "It is 10pm and I am too tired to brush the hair and take a more proper and flattering photo". Ugh -- you can't even see the dark red color just a dark color. Tawny says I look like a Japanese anime character and is waiting for me to have blue streaks in it. The odd thing is that doesn't feel short in the back. My aunt was sure startled when she saw me because I do look like my mother. I did forewarn her; the resemblance was just too much.



After our salon visit, Tawny and I made a brief stop to use my gift card to buy Bare Minerals make-up. We then zoomed to one of my favorite clothing stores for Tawny to buy an alternative interview blouse. Instead she found a nice autumn green shirt and a lacy black camisole she can wear underneath other blouses. My clothes are three sizes too big now -- it feels like I am wearing my big sister's clothes. I only had enough energy to buy a new top and a pair of jeans WITH proper buttons and zip. No elastic waistband!!! Ha. Since we were meeting some work friends at a bar, I wore my new clothes out of the store and Tawny exchanged her shirt for the green one, too.

Oh -- I must tell you this: When Tawny emerged from the dressing room, she thought she lost me. She was afraid that I had already left to go to the car. With my new haircut and clothes, she didn't recognize me at the counter waiting for her!

Within minutes we were at the appointed meeting place near work where I had my co-workers, who hadn't seen me since I left on leave, gawking with disbelief. They said I looked great, but definitely different. We were all very happy to be reunited again. I may see more of them when I visit the office on Friday. Man, did I get very tired by then, but it was worth it to be milling around doing things I would normally do. I felt alive again.
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New Do

Lucid Moment

Finding a lucid moment when not doped on narcotics for pain management has been challenging, but I am going to take advantage of one moment now to update my blog. Where were we...?

The day of my surgery was a blur. My aunt and uncle came to my apartment to pick up my bigger suitcase while Tawny picked up and small suitcase for the hospital. Tawny drove the two of us to the hospital with my aunt and uncle following. It was a bit tense in pre-op where I was prepared for surgery. Having my aunt and uncle there by my hospital bed got a bit emotional. Soon the anaesthetic drugs tookover and I just remember bits and pieces.

In the recovery room, I remember blinding pain and being so chilled my teeth chattered. I also remember asking what time it was so I could ascertain if my ovarian cyst was benign or cancerous. The nurse told me it was 4:15pm; I was in the operating room around 11am. That told me that it was not good.

Eventually I was wheeled to my own private room. On the way to the room, the ceiling lights passed too fast making me nauseous that I immediately closed my eyes. I heard familiar voices in my room where my aunt, uncle and Tawny had been waiting with smiles and kisses.

Tawny stayed the night to keep vigil over me, making sure she was a whisper away. I kept moaning all night and kept apologizing to her. She fed me glasses of ice chips to hydrate my mouth and throat. I couldn't believe how dry the medications made my mouth feel. That night was the first of six nights Tawny stayed overnight with me.

I was told by Tawny and the doctors that I had Stage III cancer. My surgery involved a complete hysterectomy, all my fallopian tubes taken, a portion of my belly taken and a portion of my intestines taken as well. The intestines are now re-attached via titanium staples for my flesh to grow over. It will be a permanent installation. A long row of staples up and down my abdomen gave proof to the severity of the surgery.

During my stay at Moffitt, I was woken up by nurses, patient care techs and doctors all hours of the day and night. Being hooked up to IV for nourishment and pain medication was surreal. Did I mention the catheter I had to carry around? Everywhere I went for the first four days involved juggling these things.

I ate ice chips for the first four days then eventually being allowed gelatin. When the hospital food came, I really didn't have an appetite for it but I tried to eat as much as I could. My appetite didn't return until I came home to my aunt's house where she fed me food to my taste.

The most incredible part of all were the texts, facebook messages, cell phone calls, room phone calls and the alarming amount of visitors I had during my hospital stay. There was an incident with my cell phone midstay so I may I have missed some calls. There were flowers everywhere. The medical staff had to bustle their way in through everything. It was quite funny. I think they were surprised themselves at how many visitors they saw in my room. They did accept Tawny has my nighttime angel. She went home during the day for showers and some rest. I know her husband missed her much during that time.

I was eventually discharged on Monday the 18th. I'll write more about everything since then later. My laptop battery is signaling 13 more minutes of typing time. Thank you very much for keeping up with me and also for the lovely blog messages you've left me. All in all I am very blessed. Until my next lucid moment....

Love,
Sarah xxoo
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Lucid Moment