Holy...Happy

A beautiful red cloisonne rosary was presented to me by my cousin Angie from Suzanne, her LA roommate, when I arrived at my aunt's this afternoon. I loved it the moment I saw it. It was such a thoughtful gift that I am humbled by it.



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Everyone was home at my aunt's and had not yet changed into clothes befitting Nan's open viewing at the funeral home. I would have to wait a couple of hours for us to make our way. The first hour was dedicated to the family and another for everyone else -- in this case, her church family. It was a modest turnout for her Florida family. A bigger crowd is set for Baltimore where her casket is being flown tomorrow.

I won't go into the details of what happened at the viewing but suffice it to say it was a bit emotional but more than that -- it was filled with happy people who were safe in the knowledge that she is now with her Lord whom she never forgot in her life. Nan was presented gloriously in her silver casket. She looked like she was just sleeping and happy. The best part was seeing her great grandchildren (almost quietly) milling about the room and outside the building. They were happy to be with one another and gave comfort to those around them with their smiles and giggles. Nan would have been tickled to see them behave in a lively manner despite the circumstances that brought them together. She would have given them her ever present smile as she observed them.

Nan to me was the sweetest and kindest woman I have ever met in my life and in the world. She was indeed without guile and malice. Her life was dedicated to her family and to God. I remember she told me once that I had a sweet voice and that I would make a great nurse during those moments I spent time with her at my aunt's home. When she said these kind things I truly believed her. I will miss her presence and light.

Edna M. Fair
1914 - 2010




Love & Blessings,
Sprinkles xo
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Holy...Happy

Bargello Heart Warmed

Repeating last week's events would not be as much fun as say......applying bandages to yourself and ripping them quickly off your body hoping the glue didn't take any hairs. Yes, it was so memorable that I will try to briefly comment.

Last Wednesday had me screaming and crying not only to my aunt but to my cousin Angie over a misunderstanding about my approach to my health. I am sure Angie enjoyed me screaming at her at 7:30am her time and abruptly hanging up on her when I sensed myself about to hyperventilate. This incident was over by the afternoon and everything was all good again.

The hospital nurse was not "all there". I had run out of my pain meds and it took an Act of Congress to contact the doctor to release the refill. To his credit, he was in surgery, etc. Tawny drove me to retrieve it from the hospital pharmacy. The nurse also forgot to mention my appointment for this week until I called her on a different matter a day later. There was another issue with my surgeon for his signature and notes to be faxed to my insurance so that my extension to go back to work (tentatively March 15th) would be approved and I would continue to get paid. This part was nerve wracking. It was faxed last minute on Friday afternoon.

Another concern was making sure my home health care to change my wound vac dressing was transferred from Brandon (suburb of Tampa) where my aunt lives to Tampa where I live. The nurse seemed to have a problem calling, etc. to confirm her arrival. Once she was here, she was okay. She came last Friday, too.

During all this I was trying to prepare for Kathy who was coming from Jacksonville to stay with me all weekend. This poor woman took down and put away my Christmas decorations. She also cleaned most of my apartment and drove me on a big grocery shopping trip. Where I am to put the excess food I don't know. Kathy also carted in packages of almond milk, hemp milk and other organic groceries when she arrived! Oh, she also gifted me a beige baseball cap with some shiny silver dots or bling on it that was in the image of skull and cross bones. Very cute! I wore it during my nap late Sunday afternoon. Hee.

AND -- In the middle of all this, my uncle Al from Germany had arrived on Tuesday evening as well as Angie from Los Angeles on Thursday to be with Nan. On early Saturday morning, Nan passed on to be with God. Everyone had been able to say goodbye. Kathy and Tawny accompanied me that evening to my aunt's home to be with everyone. My aunt and uncle looked relieved and tired, but were thankfully distracted for several moments by their smiling grandkids. Nan's Tampa service is tomorrow night. Her body will be flown Wednesday to Baltimore for another service on Thursday and then she will be buried next to her husband. My aunt and two uncles will go and meet the rest of Nan's grandkids in Baltimore as well as her old church family.

................................

I know I've been overdoing it. Today I tried my best not to, but I half succeeded. I moved furniture just a little (five inches here and there!)... My air conditioner had not turned itself off so I did because I got too cold. When I turned it on again later, it was not blowing cold air. For the first time I consciously used cancer to get the unit fixed immediately. My reasoning to them was not a lie and was supported by the visiting nurse. It yielded the desired results. Three hours is lightyear speed for this place.

The early evening held a pleasant surprise. My friend Kim, her husband and pretty dog Belle came to see me and dropped off the lap quilt Kim had made for me. The center had been completed for years; I had not found the time to get the binding sewn so she took it from me last week to finish. The colors are bright. I had a hand in picking out the fabric colors and of course it was a heart design in Bargello style. The details are best appreciated in the video below.

My tea is just right for drinking about now. I am going to sit in my favorite chair with my new quilt adorning my lap as I read a little. Sounds marvelous doesn't it?



Love,
Sprinkles xxoo


PS Let me not forget Jill who was first on the scene to offer her own sunshine when I ran out last Wednesday after venting my anger on facebook. ;p
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Bargello Heart Warmed

Crazy Stuff

Is it bad form for your male nurse to laugh and welcome your biting, filthy curse words as he strips the lower dressing from your wound that just happens to overlap onto your pubic mound? OR is it in bad form for your AGOL to welcome his laughing response to the unexpected pain of having hairs ripped from her tender part while she utters filth? Just can't decide for myself really. At least I can say my sexuality has not suffered.

I am going to miss my male nurse very much. He made me laugh and we had fun during our flirty banter. His face seemed a bit saddened that today could be our last encounter. It all depends on if I can have my uncle help me move my things back to my own apartment in the next day. I have much more than a two suitcases and my walker/stroller that I barely use now for its intended purpose...

On a more serious note, my family has been dealing with the downturn of Nan's health. You may recall my favorite q-tip, my uncle's mother. In the last couple of months she has been in and out of the emergency room when she is not being assisted at the nursing home. Even with the enormous care and love my aunt and uncle have given her, she is just not improving. Ultimately, they have not failed her -- it is her 95-year old body that is failing her.

Tomorrow night my uncle's youngest brother Al is flying from Germany and will be staying about a week to say his goodbyes. I pity him because he has not seen her deterioration and will have the shock of his life when his eyes finally comprehend her state. She is under the watchful eye of Hospice at the nursing home. With the exception of a breathing tube, she is not being given anything unless it is a dissolveable (?) pain pill under her tongue when she is moved.

The whole thing has been a deep strain on my aunt and uncle hence my reticence to press for my own agenda. My own situation has my aunt worrying though she understands I am far better than I was four weeks ago. Truth be told I am left with no choice if I am to reduce my own stress. My male nurse recorded a high blood pressure reading for me today which worries me because my last few readings have gradually worsened.

Today it all started with me not being able to wash clothes properly on my own today because of my aunt's washing machine followed by other things before my nurse's visit. In fact, I was in the middle of listening to a meditation song on youtube when he knocked on the door. It was my last ditch effort to reduce the stress I was feeling while thinking about everything in the house and my upcoming chemo preparations and treatments. So much for nothing. Sigh.

Meanwhile, I am requesting that you please say a small prayer for Nan that her passing to go back to God is peaceful and that she feels our love as she makes her transition. Many thanks. xxoo
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Crazy Stuff