Kimo the Elephant

Florence and the Machine's "Dog Days are Over" was looped repeatedly in my car last Thursday morning. I love the first line, "Happiness, hit her like a train on a track." And that is exactly was Sprinkles got that morning.

Bridget at work wanted to do something special for me since she new part of my spirits had been dampened by the anticipation of this particular chemo. She enlisted the help of her son's 3rd grade teacher and came up with the best "Happiness". The whole class made me homemade cards with encouragement of hope against cancer and they gave me a stuffed elephant to keep me company during my chemotherapy. I was so stunned and overwhelmed that I cried. I love children and to have these little beings make/send me (a stranger!) homemade cards made my cup runneth over. I have since named my new soft friend Kimo!

Meet Kimo and see the stack of cards next to him:



I must have held on to Kimo tighter the next day. It went well, but a little weird. My port was giving me issues so they had to infuse all the drugs in my arm. The nurse was unsure of chemo going into the port. I have a dye-study scheduled (hopefully) this Friday during my short chemo day. My aunt escorted me and I had the pleasure of being recognized by someone from my Ovacome group as well as the techs and nurses at the infusion center... Jeezus, I need another hangout.

Good news -- my boss went to bat for me with our benefits team. I am no longer paying $50 for one of my after chemo meds. They have overridden it with the drug company and I will be paying $25 instead. So from $73 to $48 every three weeks instead. Hooray!

Just to keep me on geeky track, here is something I came up with to help me with taking these things. It is not foolproof - this fool forgot to take the pink section all day yesterday. Sigh. It was just for anti-nausea -- luckily, I was okay.



Working today was not bad because the blue section was not on today. Those drugs make my brain woozy. Will work from home again tomorrow just to be sure... I did experience a little feathering in my hearing today like I did at my aunt's house on Sunday. It was not a strong thing and didn't keep me from enjoying my cousin's kids. I guess it comes and goes. Everyday is a new adventure in side-effects. You can never say cancer is boring for sure!

Kisses,
Sprinkles xo


SIDE NOTE: On the Dog Days video, it kinda reminds me of Captain Kirk's Quaalude induced sex dreams if you could imagine such a thing. What do you think?

Kimo the Elephant

Channeling Churchill

Once again, I am "greeting inevitability with a smile". My new chemo treatment begins this coming Friday, April 22nd. Accepting this next phase has been more difficult than I thought it would be.

Wednesday was my appointment with my surgeon and his team to discuss my chemotherapy treatment. I reminded him about the allergic reaction in Cycle 6 to Carboplatin, one of the cocktail ingredients of last year's treatments. He then made the decision to treat me with Cisplatin. I started to laugh when he said this particular drug causes kidney damage and more nausea. Oh, joy.

We also discussed the after care drugs. I told him I would rather do the same surgery we just did than take the after care drugs that messed with my brain days after each chemo treatment. He said it would have to be discussed with the pharmacist and the nurse. All in all my surgeon foresees me doing well especially when he reminded me how sick I was last year when I went through treatment. It was not a total comfort to me. Things got more upsetting when the pharmacist came to discuss the chemo drugs.

A specialized pharmacist bearing short pretty bobbed blond hair and a cheery patterned dress with a sweet angelic face came to see me. No, her heavenly presence did not diminish the gravity of her words. She confirmed the Cisplatin causes kidney damage and more nausea. I then asked her how would we know? Would I pee blood? "No," she says -- "It will show up in the blood work." Great, a silent killer. More assurances of being able to reverse or stop the side effects spilled from her mouth. Oh yes -- there is also a chance of some hearing loss. Sigh. What about the Gemzar portion? What exactly does that drug do? In her calm angelic way, "It messes with your RNA and DNA....to stop things from growing." Goddamn it, are you fucking kidding me?! (Remember...all these drugs are poisons designed to treat cancer.)

Next my surgeon's specialized nurse came in. We discussed the aftercare drugs and my feelings on it in great detail. They looked at the dosage prescription for the chemo which was surprisingly lighter than they thought. Instead of having two drugs for after chemo drugs, I will have four drugs staged to minimize nausea and brain fog. Later I found out that instead of paying about $12 every three weeks, I will be paying $70+ because one drug is not standard and my insurance company will not cut me a break on pricing.

I must must must remember I am being treated in the No. 4 ranking facility in the U.S. and that my surgeon is the best in the department. I must must must also remember that I am in a better place than last time. My new scar has healed nicely and looks fabulous. Hell, I look fabulous thanks to more weight loss and my determination to look extraordinarily normal and beautiful. I will experience some hair loss, but not a total one like last year which is a plus if you're trying to retain your own beauty during chemo.

There was one unexpected news... Tab has gotten engaged and is getting married today. After I told him off in December to stop our association even as friends/acquaintances, his now wife has managed to be employed in my company in the same building starting while I was out on medical leave. Of course, being the Class A Jerk he is, he also managed to instant message me last Monday to "say hello". He didn't know I already knew of this new development prior to my first day back to work so I made sure to make a preemptive strike and ask him how she enjoyed her new employment and commented on her engagement ring I saw earlier in the day. His response was dead silence for several moments until he recovered and prattled on and on regarding his new wonderful life. I wasn't so accommodating. He soon lost interest and was tired of getting insulted. (For some reason, he keeps coming back for conversation when he thinks my temper has cooled off. He banks on my forgiving nature.) Two great things came out of this: 1) I feel nothing when I see his fiance/wife and 2) I felt more of nothing when he contacted me. Hooray for Sprinkles!

Quilting...yes, I have taken it on. Since I cannot practice my other womanly arts (wink), I might as well take on a more leisurely one. Last weekend, I took a road trip with Kimmee and Quilting Cathy to shop four quilt shops where fabric was a calming drug. I am halfway through my first one. That one is being named "Manila Sunrise". A pic will be posted when it is completed.

It is near noon... I should make a nice lunch and work my plans for preparing for chemo, minimizing side-effects from chemo and getting through it. My surgeon wants to do 6 cycle sets which should have completion in August. My support system of family and friends keeps me going when I start to have doubts. I am often reminded that I am important to many people.

It is essential for you to know that I am doing great; I just have to dig deeper in my faith to keep my smiles. Luckily, the well is Infinitely Deep and will not ever run out as long as I never, never, never give up. Think Churchill.

Love and Blessings,
Sarah Sprinkles
xxoo

Channeling Churchill

Mindmeld Monday

Listen, my lovelies: I cannot wait to not take any of my aftercare chemo meds again in my life. We have one more round to go at the end of the month. Even though I did not work today at all, my brain was still in a fog. That didn't mean I was lazy -- I vacuumed, did five loads of laundry, cooked for myself, made some calls/appointments, cleaned the refrigerator a little, took two bags of trash out, and ran the dishwasher. I'm battling cancer -- what's your excuse? Ha.

I spent Saturday by myself just chillin' and managing my energy to rest from the chemo. On Sunday, my aunt and uncle drove me with them a couple hours away to my cousin Frankie and Brenda's house in Port Charlotte to spend time with more family members visiting. Counting all the adults and children, there were 17 of us. Most were in the pool playing. Several of us were enjoying the view of the water and the family in the pool. Grilled out with kebabs and other goodies. I ended up taking a nap on the couch for a spell.

On the way home from the festivities, I begged my aunt and uncle to take me to a quick grocery shopping trip so I could buy some almond milk, raspberries, oranges, vitamins, etc. since I won't be able to drive until Wednesday. I could cry to Tawny to take me earlier I suppose. Hee. This morning I made a smoothie using almond milk and fresh raspberries! Yummeeee.

Pardon me if this post is a little wacky. Like I said these meds make me crazy. There is mindmeld going on but I am not sure exactly how that is working. If you know, please clue me in.

Okay....I did have a breakthrough today. My spiritual adoptive sister in Canada gave me one part of the words I have been searching for during my cancer treatment. We have similarities in life things and that's all I can say. What I can say is that it came to me after reading her response to my specific query on my partial lack of emotional connection to cancer...that no matter how I dress things up in cancer or other unpleasant things in my past life, they were or are still unpleasant.

I cried uncontrollably for a good part of the morning and again in the early afternoon. While the tears fell, I could hear the pure hurt emanating and leaving me in my sobs. It didn't sound like me. It was alien like an animal left in the clearing in the woods by wolves who had taunted it by tearing bits of pieces of its flesh, but never killing it before leaving for real game. It was awful and cathartic. God -- I cannot wait to tell my shrinky dink this Thursday morning. My doctor will be happy to hear this.

SIGH...I want to write more, but my brain and these damn drugs are making it difficult. That's it for now. Thanks for your support. Your love around the world is helping me become well to the astonishment of many. Love does make this Asian Goddess of Love go around or at least sparkle!

Love,
Sprinkles xxoo

Mindmeld Monday

Three Days

These after chemo meds are like kryptonite on your AGOL. Not only does it cause a mental fog, but as mentioned previously it makes me both hyper and tired. Too tired too really concentrate, but too hyper not to complete chores around my apartment.

On Saturday, I had two visitors. My cousin's wife Michelle visited for a spell while she waited for her daughter to attend a birthday party at a nearby museum. Tawny came by in the evening to drop off some eggs for me after her trip to the grocery store. I cannot drive for four days after my chemotherapy. Maybe the fourth day later in the afternoon if I push it.

On Sunday, I did all my laundry and some light cleaning. It sounds like a lot, but really it wasn't. My body would not allow any heavy duty stuff. I was concentrating on managing my energy for the next day.

Today, I worked from home starting at 7am and ended around 3:30pm. I survived two conference calls at 10am and 1pm. As you know my memory is affected these first days so I had to proofread and write every little thing I did which was good. It helped me to see how productive I was. Maybe I was overcompensating for being at home? I was pleased with my progress.

A nurse was supposed to come see me today. I should have canceled it on Friday while I was at the hospital after my talk with my surgeon, but I didn't. After two calls two my regular nurse to make time after my conference calls, I received a call from a different nurse at 4:30. Really?! She woke me up from a nap and told her it was okay. Upon waking further, I called her office and canceled. She called me herself to salvage the appointment. I said yes, but ended up canceling when she called me at 6:15pm to tell me she was about 20 minutes away. Good grief. I was ready for dinner, my last set of kryptonite meds and a shower to make it an early evening before watching some sitcoms. Urgh.

I called my dad and stepmother to check-in. My dad though in retirement is one of the busiest retirees I know with all the associations and church related activities he takes part of throughout Chicago. He holds high positions in a few. My stepmother is still receiving 1-minute radiation daily on her breasts for breast cancer. She has a couple more weeks to go. Luckily, she gets to avoid any chemotherapy. We both get to exchange stories on our health. It is an odd bonding which has made us the closest we have ever been since she's been married to my dad almost 20 years this year.

Tomorrow I will work from home again just to be safe. My memory will be better but it is my slight hazy vision that makes driving and seeing the road a little challenging. Sunglasses will be in order for sure until Thursday while driving. Thank God my vision for seeing my laptop is great. Don't you wish you could share such fun?

Hugs,
Sprinkles xo

Three Days