One of these things just doesn't belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?
--from Sesame Street, by Joe Raposo and Jon Stone
This song and "Le Freak" by Chic have got to be my theme songs. If you're like me, the universe speaks to you in songs. Endless soundtracks run through my head at any given moment. It can be disconcerting especially when they become messages for the day.
Being a SINK (single income no kids) and thinking about your "upcoming plans" for the holidays just turns the amp on the Sesame Street song. This year I made the break with Thanksgiving so I wouldn't have to hear it repeating all day in between bites trytophan-laden turkey, my requisite rice & gravy and the ever favorite greenie-beanie casserole at some relative's house, usually at my aunt's. Did I mention being left out of conversations because I don't have kids in school or married to a superdad? It all started with a resolve and ended with the dreaded phone call.
On Wednesday, "Yakety Sax" from The Benny Hill Show blasted from my ho-tress pink Razr startling me from staring too long at the red LED lights stating "Now Serving 48" at the deli counter. I was number 52. It was my aunt calling and it was time for a phone call showdown. Four-foot ten inches of Filipino power against my five-foot eight inches of Whitey (my skin). How can one not crumble at the seemingly innocent question of one so...sweet?
Sweet Auntie: "Hi, Sarah Jane. It's your auntie."
Whitey: "Oh, hello. How are you? I am at Publix."
Sweet Auntie: "You are?....What are you doing for Thanksgiving?"
Whitey: "I am staying at home." (GULP!)
...and like she didn't hear me.....
Sweet Auntie: "Anyway, we are having dinner at 2:00."
Whitey: "That's nice. Thanks, but I am staying at home."
...now we have scope and crosshairs...
Sweet Auntie: "You are? (interminable silence!) Well....ok, but we're having dinner at 2:00 in case you change your mind."
Whitey: "Thank you. I will keep that in mind."
We said our goodbyes leaving her stunned and me guilty as a scum who kicked a cute puppy. How the hell do families do it? Is there a chalice of guilt passed on from one family to another? (When do I get it, goddammit?!)
The last five years have just really worked my nerve when it comes to holidays. I thought I would have my own family by now and be having my own Thanksgivings, but the universe hasn't been singing my tune. There's always a power play of who's going to get me at their table or tables if I decide to drive from one end of town to the next to do two for the day. We dutiful cousins/nieces hate to disappoint....AARGH!!! Now, don't get me wrong -- I am blessed to have a caring family, but I can't deny how I feel. This year is the year I say "no". I did. It's over.
Sigh. Not quite. Thanksgiving is still 11 days away. Please pass me the chalice with the guiltless gin, rational rum or better yet triumphant tequila.
No comments:
Post a Comment