LQ: Inmost Hearts

"When two people are at one in their inmost hearts, they shatter even the strength of iron or bronze; and when two people understand each other in their inmost hearts, their words are sweet and strong like the fragrance of orchids".

- I Ching


The words are simply beautiful. Just makes me let out a big sigh. SIGH.
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LQ: Inmost Hearts

Practice Love

"Practice love. Sitting alone in your room, be loving. Radiate love. Fill the whole room with your love energy. Feel vibrating with a new frequency, feel swaying as if you are in the ocean of love. Create vibrations of love energy around you. And you will start feeling immediately that something is happening -- something in your aura is changing, something around your body is changing; a warmth is arising around your body... a warmth like deep orgasm. You are becoming more alive. Something like sleep is disappearing. Something like awareness is arising. Sway into this ocean. Dance, sing, and let your whole room be filled with love."

- Osho

That's just it. I really haven't been Practicing Love. Love for Myself. This morning gave me one of my "walking the dog epiphanies". Why these things happen when I walk the dog, I truly do not know. Perhaps it is because I haven't started to pollute my brain with the daily grind or built walls on the truths trying to vie for equal time with the other crap I seem to focus on.

Before I get to the epiphany, let me share this finding on a recently found blog:

We all want friendships that will last for eternity, don’t we? Follow these pointers and you’ll be blessed times over…

1. Speak to people — there is nothing as nice as a cheerful word of greeting.
2. Smile at people - it takes seventy-two muscles to frown and only fourteen to smile!
3. Call anyone by their name - the sweetest music to anyone’s ear is the sound of their own name.
4. Be friendly and helpful - if you would have friends, be friendly.
5. Be cordial - speak and act as if everything you do is a real pleasure.
6. Be genuinely interested in people - you can like everyone if you try.
7. Be generous with praise - cautious with criticism.
8. Be considerate of the feelings of others - it will be appreciated.
9. Be thoughtful of the options of others.
10. Be alert to give service - what counts most in life is what we do for others!

(Taken from The Speaker’s Quote Book - Roy B. Zuck)

If you know me personally, you know that I just might be the embodiment of those 10 lines. Hell, I give myself cavities. I have never met a stranger. (Strange people - yes!) I can talk to anyone, anytime and in any situation AND be engaging. Smiling is natural as with responding with the word, "groovy" when people ask me how I am doing. I respond that way on purpose because it stops people in their tracks and makes them smile...big!

So, Sprinkles, what was that epiphany again? My epiphany which I shared with Rob in an extended IM conversation this afternoon was that I am not as important to other people I am close to as they are to me. They don't hold me in the same regard as I do them. While it stung, it was the truth. The times I get more timely feedback is when they read something on my blog or when I don't call or communicate in some way. Operative word I. I always give wholeheartedly of myself (always have!) and have received only scattered partials of others whether in romantic relationships or friendships.

Why share with Rob and not my closest buddies? Because he hasn't known me long enough and can sift through my bullshit, he's become a great friend, his approach is more militant (which I somehow respond to -- childhood stuff, I guess) and he has a vested interest in getting me to compete in mini triathlons. In order to get me further and steady in my training, he's going to need to help me get past a couple of hurdles.

Where I've feared him getting too frustrated and giving up is a delusion he's willing to correct throughout the day...everyday. He wants me to be inspired to resolve and not count on hope. Hope doesn't get you anywhere -- resolve gets you moving. If you could see the arguments in IMs and his pulling information out of me to get to the crux of the matter, you would wince. I've told him that when I start to tell him things, I get the case of the dum-dums and what I say sounds stupid and petty, but when I feel the same things, they hurt. He assures me it doesn't sound stupid to him. Here's his take on my epiphany:

First... you tend to be overly thoughtful... in hopes of getting the same…you like to please people... exceed expectations...somewhat you really truly enjoy pleasing people.. and exceed those expectations...but at the same time. You have some what more lofty expectations than the people around you seem to manage to live up to... you question yourself all the time.. "Are my expectations that high?" or "do these people just don’t hold me in the same regard... what is wrong with me?"

And I told him about the focus on trying to please everyone with a Sarahfix during my free time. I call and I write almost a dozen people at least on any given day. IM, facebook, e-mails and cell calls have become crutches/excuses on why I am not focusing more. I don't want to miss out or not be there for someone. I want them to know I care. Rob's no nonsense response is, It is not being rude, but being focused. For him: Umm...4pm gotta go....Jim at work not running at lunch lunch with me?...gotta go. Thanks to his military training, his training schedule is set and he adheres to it devotedly, but he still manages time for his family and a side job. Yes, he manages his time very well. I need to manage my time 'better' to get to 'very well'.

Sharing the above was difficult, but with a cheering squad like Rob, I was able to write the words. It is another cog in the wheel to get me moving in the right direction. Like the medical profession, they practice their profession to get better. In order to Love Myself more so in the end give more of myself in a truly authentic way (and not in deficit of myself), I need to practice Love for me by me.
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Practice Love

My Day...Still Lovely

"Loving can cost a lot but not loving always costs more, and those who fear to love often find that want of love is an emptiness that robs the joy from life."

- Merle Shain


My own love well is still flowing despite not having an extra special person to share this day. By my sharing a bit of kindness, I received back a lot of appreciation. The first order of business today was to deliver my goodies to the people earmarked for them. Wonder and delight were what I saw in my recipients' eyes as they realized they were being delivered something or when they saw the pink and red packages on their desk as they arrived. I received several e-mails saying it had made their day.

My boss bought my breakfast downstairs for part of his Valentine's gesture; he also brought us ladies chocolate. They were serving waffles at the cafe! Ate one greedily at my desk I was so excited...Jeff took Tawny, Susan and me for a Valentine's lunch at a Thai restaurant. Green Curry Chicken warmed my tastebuds. I love flavor explosions in my mouth. Who the heck wants to eat a hamburger when they can have exotic Thai spices? I tempered the heat with sips of iced Thai tea...

Before I forget: The following image was a lucky find on our grounds at the apartment complex. It was an accidental shape created from the tree trimmers grooming back the palm trees. I noticed this forgotten piece of rubbish when I walked Cabal a couple of months ago. You know how my life goes...little gifts from the universe where I least expect them. Kathy has asked me to post it because she found it really interesting. I am showing you what the back and front look like. There are a ton of unsaid metaphors here, but I'll let you draw your own.



My evening was solitary with the exception of Myrna and Ty doing a drive-by pick-up of their Valentine's goodies. I received another beautiful dragonfly pin from them. A few text messages blipped on my phone wishing a Happy Valentine's and Cabal was extra sweet...

Two and a half hours of sleep was all I had last night because I was busy baking the chocolate chip cookies and losing time doing stupid stuff. Needless to say, I was ready to crash by 10pm. My new cocoon welcomed me nicely.
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My Day...Still Lovely

LQ: Between Love and Garbage

"Young people everywhere have been allowed to choose between love and a garbage disposal unit. Everywhere they have chosen the garbage disposal unit".

-- Guy Debord

...I can see where they would choose the garbage disposal unit. Maybe in order to get love, they have to choose garbage first? Maybe on the surface they look the same and they accidentally chose garbage? Maybe they've learned it from home or all the cool kids are doing it? I've personally never chosen garbage -- previously enjoyed or owned, but never garbage. Get green, recycle -- spread love.
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LQ: Between Love and Garbage

LQ: A Great Deal More About 'And'

We used to think that if we knew one we knew two because one and one are two. We are finding that we must learn a great deal more about 'and'.

- Sir Arthur Stanley Eddington

...he was an astrophysicist. Surely he had a better clue. What is between two people: their hopes/wishes/dreams, experiences, fears, loves, perceptions...for a start. So many factors go into joining two separate people.

I had an IM discussion with Rob today (other than about exercise) which spanned a couple of hours in between actual work. We were discussing relationship personalities and relationship dynamics. He's lived a little and is on his second marriage. Mind you, he is in IT and he tends express himself in mathematical terms. I condensed just his answers:

in any pairing.. there is a cumulative score...this score is based on a ton of factors...genetic compatibility..basic compatibility.. (in the case of a male.. ability to provide = $$)...all sorts of metrics go into this…now.. for hypothetical sense...woman A..man B...WA meets MB...WA subconsciously sizes up MB... score=7..MB subconsciously sizes up WA.. score=7...seems like they are on equal playing field, right?..however there is a whole other set of dynamics that are happening..MB believes (again subconsciously) that hey is a score 5 & WA believes she is a score 8…now while they make actually sit at 7s..they have a disparity of perceived equivalence...so WA thinks she is slightly dating down.. 8>7 and MB think he is dating up 5<7..here is where things get interesting.. and I have built this model over several years and a multitude on my own and others relationships...if there is a subtle difference in the perceived "value" things are ok...in general perceived is the only thing that matters at this layer…if there is a large difference in the Perceived Value... problems begin...in this example.. WA would expect that MB should be pretty motivated to treat WA well.. he is on the short end of the stick...but what happens is the opposite...because MB perceives a great delta (5<7) he goes from treating her well.. to treating her very poorly..his behavior is driven to reduce her over all confidence and self esteem.. in an effort to reduce that perceived delta...make sense? there are a number of different combinations..[[Sarah says: bringing her down to his level.]]..exactly..wife beater 101

Rob referenced another conversation we had recently:
strong men.. like strong women…strong men and women tend to have a better perception of what there "value" is...

Sir Eddington had a point. Damn that 'and'.

LQ: A Great Deal More About 'And'

LQ: Real Love is a Pilgrimage

"Real love is a pilgrimage. It happens when there is no strategy, but it is very rare because most people are strategists."

-- Anita Brookner

...My AGOL star must have been repositioned for me to follow. I've been wandering the world for a long time. Perhaps it is a lifetime pilgrimage? One day in the sun setting desert, I will meet my love in an oasis. I will share in a toast to finding him...only to choke on the sand going down my throat as I realize the whole thing was a cruel mirage. Jeezus, I need to write a book soon.
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LQ: Real Love is a Pilgrimage

LQ: Love...Power

"Where love rules, there is no will to power and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other."

-- Carl Jung

...I have a friend who is in Karachi right now resting in a hotel suite after flying from Islamabad. In the background, sporadic gunfire. The trip to cover the Pakistan elections next week was hastened by the assassination of Benazir Bhutto this week.

Fear breeds stupidity and senseless violence. The opposition knew she had a good chance of winning. She was beautiful inside and out, intelligent, a role-model for women in power and powerful enough to engender fear in the others who did not want her to win. How foolish of them because she is now more venerated around the world.
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LQ: Love...Power

LQ: First Kiss

"The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender."

-- Emil Ludwig

...Hmm. Have to mull on that for some time.
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LQ: First Kiss

LQ: Affection

"Don't be afraid of showing affection. Be warm and tender, thoughtful and affectionate. Men are more helped by sympathy than by service. Love is more than money, and a kind word will give more pleasure than a present."

-- Sir John Lubbock


...The AGOL definitely lives by this.
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LQ: Affection

LQ: Love is Risk

"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more".

-- Erica Jong in How to Save Your Own Life (1977)


...Risk is also a board game of strategy. No matter what strategy you try to employ in love, you will always lose. It is not about being strategic, but being open to risk...whatever the outcome.
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LQ: Love is Risk

LQ: Love and Sleep

Love said, 'Lie still and think of me'. Sleep said, 'Close your eyes till break of day'. But Dreams came by, and smilingly gave both to Love and Sleep their way.

-- Sara Teasdale


...It is 12:33am and I am supposed to be up soon. How can I get up when I haven't slept yet? These vampire hours...BTW, I loved this quote. Very sweet. Maybe I will use it as a mantra for sleeping now.
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LQ: Love and Sleep

LQ: Gabriel Garcia Marquez

To him she seemed so seductive, so different from ordinary people, that he could not understand why no one was as disturbed as he by the clicking of her heels on the paving stones, why no one else's heart was wild with the breeze stirred by the sighs of her veils, why everyone did not go mad with the movements of her braid, the flight of her hands, the gold of her laughter. He had not missed a single one of her gestures, not one of the indications of her character, but he did not dare approach her for fear of destroying the spell.

-- Gabriel Garcia Marquez from his book Love in the Time of Cholera


...Such evocative, riveting and passionate words from a talented man. I hope to see this movie while it is out.
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LQ: Gabriel Garcia Marquez

LQ: High Regard

Romantic love is a passionate spiritual-emotional-sexual attachment between a man and a woman that reflects a high regard for the value of each other's person.

- Nathaniel Branden

...Saw this on my iGoogle page today and enjoyed it. Valuing others and demonstrating that value is essential. I was talking to Bridget the other day about being there in a relationship: either you're there or you're not. To me it is that black and white; she felt the same. Her own relationship has hit a rough spot with her boyfriend having issues and she can't understand why he doesn't appreciate simplicity.

I see people who are in long term relationships out of habit and not really being present in the relationship. Earlier this year, I was talking with MEBFKAY about us communicating more than couples who are in the same space/bed and knowing what was going on with each other and our own situation of really being present in each other's lives despite the 4500 mile distance. He agreed. Yes, I know -- don't tell me -- the irony now is just brilliant.
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LQ: High Regard

LQ: A House is Made with...

"A house is made with walls and beams; a home is built with love and dreams."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson


...Aww. This was so sweet! Always trying to share the sweet parts with you.

...Of course, Bridget's not so sweet response was, "Aww makes me want to shed a f***ing tear." Okay - she is just low on sugar. Going to an early lunch with her and Tawny in a few minutes should take care of that...
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LQ: A House is Made with...

LQ: From The Wonder Years

"All our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone who makes us complete. We choose partners & change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak & hope. All the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, there's someone perfect who might be searching for us."

- Narrator in The Wonder Years (1988)


...I loved the narration on this coming of age sitcom. The voice is one of those that really carries the story and the sentiment in the quote above. Well, I am not looking for someone perfect, just perfect for me (smart, creative, funny, has a generally kind and generous nature, and with some sex appeal (got to have sizzle!) who allows me to breathe and be me...someone who also makes me feel alive and maybe even want to become a better woman through the encouragement of their love). It's rough when people seem to get too caught up in their own BS...
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LQ: From The Wonder Years

LQ: For your Yourself

"When you know beyond all doubting that the same life flows through all that is and you are that life, you will love all naturally and spontaneously. When you realise the depth and fullness of your love of yourself, you know that every living being and the entire universe are included in your affection. But when you look at anything as separate from you, you cannot love it for you are afraid of it. Alienation causes fear and fear deepens alienation. It is a vicious circle. Only self - realisation can break it. Go for it resolutely. ".

- Nisargadatta Maharaj

...Truth be told, I am a little blogged out from the past week. Will pick up tomorrow. Spending time looking inward and using some of the words from here. Peace and love to you today and everyday.
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LQ: For your Yourself

LQ: Soulmate...Keys and Locks

A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who were pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us with that one person we're safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings our sense of direction. When we're two balloons and together our direction is up, chances are we've found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.

- Richard David Bach, author of Jonathan Livingston Seagull


...that and a defibrillator. Seriously, this was lovely to read.
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LQ: Soulmate...Keys and Locks

LQ: Numberless Forms from Tagore

"I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times, in life after life, in age after age forever."

- Rabindranath Tagore

...Just found out about this impressive man. The awesome entry in Wikipedia was lovingly compiled and thorough. Read this man's colorful life. You can say he truly lived using his passions. If I were only brave enough to do so. Working on it.
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LQ: Numberless Forms from Tagore

Sunday Wisdom

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."

...I saw this again yesterday after many years and it is worth sharing.
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Sunday Wisdom

LQ: Pure Love and Suspicion

"Pure love and suspicion cannot dwell together: at the door where the latter enters, the former makes its exit".

-- Alexandre Dumas

...Another one of those Frenchmen whose brain I like. He wrote some really fun stuff.
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LQ: Pure Love and Suspicion