NYE Thoughts

Today was my first day back at work since last Monday. It was blissfully quiet until Dan broke the spell by coming over to tease me that he and Ant were coming over at 6pm. He had said the same story to Tawny earlier to which she replied that she would be attending his funeral the next day. She knows me too well in these things...The spell broken gave way to Bridget and I catching up on each other. Her foot was finally healing nicely.

I logged into Messenger and half-assed (sorry, Tawny!) asked Tawny to go to lunch. Truth be told I didn’t even know if she was physically at work. My desperate attempt to fly under anyone’s radar prevented me from investigating her side of the floor. I ended up buying my lunch downstairs and on the way back saw Lisa. She was on her way out to get stamps – saved her the trip by giving her one to use instead. Lisa bought her lunch and sat with me side by side in my cube chatting and looking at the pics and videos I took over Christmas. We were like two peas in a pod.

I shared with Lisa the conversations with my two family members. Lisa understands that I am fragile during this time of year. We both spoke of many things, mostly of how we missed our mothers and that no matter how many years pass, the pain is fresh of their passing. I hadn’t had a chance to really process not having my mother at another Christmas until this weekend when all the psychotic running around with my cousins was over. I had a vision of my mother earlier this morning where she was dressed in ethereal white, almost fairy-like with her face (my face in pure Filipino form) unmistakable. She gave me a light blue box with matching ribbon. Inside was a bright red glittering heart. It was lit as if it were alive. I cried.

People tend to forget that I need time to myself and I can’t just be there whenever needed. I just can’t. If it weren’t for my cousin’s trip from Los Angeles or having to explain to my cousins' kids why their Sarah is being weird, I would remove myself from all Christmas festivities…Lisa didn’t have a good time of it growing up either so we were able to discuss and empathize with how each other were feeling. It is also her first Christmas alone with the kids since she left her husband last month.

We were sprung from jail…er, work at 3pm. Stopped at the airport to drop mail off before I headed out to get the pair of black shoes I saw on sale last week. I was in luck! It's the small things that make me happy...

Cleaned up a storm in my apartment -- something akin to a spring cleaning. I was in a mad craze to enter the New Year in better feng shui. You can't imagine how I've been living in funk shui with my holiday trauma. I feel much better now.

I received thoughtful text messages from Tawny and Kathy for New Year’s wishes. Talked to Lisa for a bit until her daughter became successful in claiming her attention. Crazy kid… Dick Clark's Rockin' Eve is on right now and I can hear fireworks outside. My Pretty Boy Dog is not handling the popping sounds very well. He is almost in my lap. Looking forward to a whole lot of tequila. It was almost a cocktail mix of muscle relaxant and tequila. Sshhh...Don't tell. People freak out easily. We all have our own ways of coping. On rare occasion, mine is with Rum. Tonight it was with Rum's harlot best friend named Tequila. She dressed up as her favorite character, Margarita!
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NYE Thoughts