Sunday, May 08, 2011

Third Compartment

Coping with my current life has forced me to put aspects of it in three distinct compartments. The first is "dealing with cancer" since it is in the forefront. The second is "work" where I challenge myself to not let the first compartment overtake the kind of progress I am trying to make. The third compartment is a place where I've struggled to be in since December 2009 and that place is "just being me".

What is "just being me" about? It is where: I am not a cancer patient... I am not an employee... I am not a daughter... I am not a sister or friend... I am not a cooking expert or frustrated artist. I am just the core of me and not the shell of roles I have acquired on my journey. It is a place where I can look at me and recognize the Divine Spark I have been entrusted with on this Earth. When I look at that Divine Spark it is where I also get to gaze at it and find out what I am supposed to really do to give of my life and use it to its best.

Of course, I would be lying to you if I also didn't include a fourth compartment of being a partner/spouse to an incredible man who allows me the freedom to be in that third compartment. He would also not be intimidated by that surety in my sense of self as well the things I want to accomplish as it relates to my contribution to humanity. Sigh... I am working on one compartment at a time for now.


On Friday, I had the pleasure of hosting a small dinner party. It was a bit last minute by my plan ahead standards. We dined like kings on Italian fare. I put together an antipasto platter that had variety and also beauty in its presentation. The entree was red sauce with hot Italian sausage over thin spaghetti which was accompanied by slices of sesame seed crusted baguette broiled with a compound butter I made the night before. The wine flowed but not for me since any alcohol is prohibited with my chemo.

The following picture was of dessert. I purchased the mini cannolis and the petit fours. Dutch cocoa powder was dusted all over the white plates. I placed a fork over the plate and then dusted with powdered sugar so I could achieve a silhouette of the fork before I plated the tender sweets next to it.

Today was Mother's Day and I did visit my aunt to give her tulips and some petit fours. I also brought my uncle two chocolate glazed donuts as a treat. My aunt made us a sweet and sour fish lunch. It was quite tasty!

I shopped after at the local crafts shop where I was determined to buy garland and a wire wreath to make my new wreath for the front door. The set I had was tired looking and I was of the mind to improve my feng shui. My heart was charmed with a new welcome mat I found. I took one look at it and the French word "bicyclette" came to mind. It had to come home with me. The floral design on the mat matches my wreath nicely.

Whorls of hair have taken over my head thanks to the previous chemo. I am reticent to cut them since my hair will get thinner as the new chemo goes on. Today I surprised myself by taking the picture below. I wanted to share what I looked like at the moment. The curls in the back are full. It doesn't look like the "me" I know, but here you have it.

I guess it is not that bad. ;p

Love and Hugs,