Saturday, August 28, 2010

Saturday Samba

For two weeks now I have had this tune, Samba Da Bencao in my head thanks to the movie "Eat Pray Love". This song is first played when the actor Javier Bardem is seen in the movie. While the scene was memorable, the song itself holds more than its own.

Last weekend while in Jacksonville visiting Kathy, we tried to look for this soundtrack and gave up after five stores turned up with zero copies. I was desperate to have it for my three-hour ride home.

(By the way, the movie is not for everyone. It is definitely a chick flick, if you will. I've seen it twice - once with Dianne and her husband at the local preview two weeks ago and the second time with Kathy last weekend. The movie is two hours of brain candy.)

Back to the song...I was able to buy this earlier today and have had it looping in my car over and over again as I drive around town. It is incredibly soothing. The feeling it evokes matches the mellow mood I've been in. Yes, that means my period of adjustment is going better. I no longer feel as anxious with my change in schedule.

At work, my group has moved from the 8th floor down to the 7th floor. My boss remarked on how relaxed I've been with the new seating change. I wouldn't attribute my change of attitude just to that. Cancer has given me a new perspective on life to where a multitude of things that would have made me crazy last year no longer bother me. The feeling is rather freeing. Very zen-like.

I am realizing that I cannot move forward while driving my life at 100 miles per hour. The whole thing is a process that takes (ugh) time! Healing is about time. My body shows me everyday how much I am healing for the better. I feel so alive -- more alive than I have been in a very long time. I am humbled at each new discovery.

My hair is growing back fast with my eyebrows and eyelashes almost all in. The hair on my head will take more time but I can rub my head and feel my hair and not skin. Hooray!

The emotional healing is part of the process, too. I know I have to do the work to move forward. It is difficult as you know since the emotional part of you is something you have conscious control over. All I can say is that I am doing okay at it...

My calendar has managed to be filled with various activities where I get to both meet new people and reconnect with friends I haven't had a chance to spend time with since before my surgery and chemo treatments.

I got home late tonight from my friend Sandy and Mark's home. I spent a lively evening with their family and a set of friends eating a tasty dinner and sharing stories. November may find me camping with Sandy and her family by a river which I am looking forward to doing. If you know me, you know that my past idea of camping was usually a hotel without a pool. This is part of me saying yes to more opportunities.

Samba Da Bencao (Samba Of The Blessing) by Sergio Mendes
(Baden Powell, Vinicius de Moraes)

E melhor ser alegre que ser triste
Alegria e a melhor coisa que existe
E assim como a luz no coracao
Mas pra fazer um samba com beleza
E preciso um bocado de tristeza
Senao nao se faz um samba nao

Fazer samba nao e contar piada
E quem faz samba assim nao e de nada
O bom samba e uma forma de oracao
Porque o samba e a tristeza que balanca
E a tristeza tem sempre uma esperanca
De um dia nao ser mais triste nao

Poe um pouco de amor numa cadencia
E vai ver que ninguem no mundo vence
A beleza que tem um samba nao
Porque o samba nasceu la na Bahia
E se hoje ele e branco na poesia
Ele e **** demais no coracao


Samba Of The Blessing

It's better to be happy than sad
Happiness is the best thing there is
It is like a light in the heart
But to make a samba with beauty
It's needed a bit of sadness
If not the samba can't be made

To make a samba is not like telling a joke
And who makes samba like this is worth nothing
The good samba is a kind of prayer
Because samba is the sadness that sways
And sadness is always hopeful
Of one day not being sad any more

Put a little love in the cadence
And you'll see that in this world nobody wins
The beauty that a samba have
Because samba was born in Bahia
And if today it is white in it's poetry
It is very black in it's heart.

Swaying to this Samba,
Sprinkles xo

Sunday, August 15, 2010


I hate it when my shrinky dink is right. She predicted that I would be going through a period of adjustment now that my schedule is not around my cancer treatment. It's not that there is a giant chasm, it is just different. Ugh.

Different has its own connotations -- one of them being I am on my own again. I don't have that other 50% of a relationship (doctor) to rely upon on a regular basis. The universe hates a void so it fills it. I am busier than ever with all kinds of activities. It is my new mantra to say yes to more things coming my way.

Tomorrow morning I am getting a second opinion on my thyroid at the cancer center. Yes, I know it is benign, but this is for the surgery portion that a doctor outside the center suggested. On Tuesday night, I will be attending another meeting for an Ovarian Cancer support group that meets once a month. I've volunteered for a couple of things just be to active. Thursday night will find me at a dining group for professional women my friend Possum has been a part of for years. I've turned down her invitations in the past. It is a part of me 1) expanding my net of acquaintances and friends or sphere of influence and 2) saying yes to more things. And then -- next weekend I will be in Jacksonville to spend the weekend with galpal Kathy...

I have missed writing terribly. Writing allows me to share what is on my mind with those who care to know. Things have not been easy lately even though I should be singing like Cinderella who just found out she is going to the ball and has all the forest animals sewing her a dress. The news of my remission should make me feel like that now, right? It is humbling and believe me I am ever so grateful. The pressure now is immense at times. I am dealing with it the best way how -- through humor.

Some hair is slowly growing back! It is almost 1/2 of an inch on top. My brows are in, but my eyelashes are only half-way back. Other hairs are coming back, too. LOL

My shrinky dink has suggested ONE thing. For those who know me, it will send you laughing up and down the street. She didn't say in so many words, but I apparently need to be more demure. At odd moments I find myself chanting silently within, "I am practicing being demure" over and over again. It makes me want to tell her off.

Sprinkles xxoo