Early Birds

An alarm ringing at 3:15am is a rude awakening. This is bad, but I slept in my holiday outfit from the night before. It was nice, but not glamorous and wears well. Redid my hair and took the dog out before feeding him half his breakfast. I was going to be gone for a bit.

Who were all these people driving on the interstate at 4am?! Good grief. Arrived in Brandon with my eyes barely open. With both my aunt and uncle awake and my cousin Gary on a club chair waiting to go to the airport, it seemed everything was normal at 4:20am. For some reason when I sat on a stool watching my aunt work in her kitchen, I experienced a tremendous chest pain. I got up and walked, stretched my torso and just forced myself to concentrate on my breathing. The pain went away. Odd.

My uncle drove three of us to a busy airport. I was jonesing for some serious coffee. Where were my buckets of coffee? Angie arrived on time, but her luggage didn't. That happened to her last year, too. I begged for a Venti Caramel Macchiato from Starbucks. We all had some coffee and sat down just talking and me telling dirty jokes. What I loved was that I was able to tell them to my uncle, too. Maybe he was too asleep to censor me? Ha!

My aunt and uncle's ginormous Christmas tree: This is about a 7.5-ft tall tree and at least 4-ft wide. My aunt looks like an elf next to it. I will take a picture of her next to it next time. Hee.


I love watching the lights dance and blink around the tree. Oooh...pretty!


When we got back, Nan was awake and joined us in the sun room to enjoy a traditional breakfast my aunt made called "molly cakes" (essentially fried dough) which we slathered with butter and sugar free syrup. The sausages were good, too. AND THE COFFEE!

The humor and zingers were in full swing. I had accidentally put too much Splenda in my coffee which my uncle noticed and asked me if I was trying to get sweeter. I said yes and he replied, You'd better pour some more. OMG. Angie had gotten up to go inside the house and she yelled something to Gary. Impishly, Gary replied in a loud and horrible rendition of what was supposed to resemble Chinese. Nan was startled and said he had scared her. Gary quick as lightning added, You should see me with an ax. OMFG. We were howling with laughter at 7:30am and had to remember the neighbors were still sleeping in on a Sunday. The sun room is enclosed, but the windows were open to let the cool breeze leftover from the passing storms. My face and sides hurt. I was just glad I didn't choke on any food. Aside from their loving nature, this is the best part of my family: the smartass humor.

Left the gang before around 11am so I could get some sleep. I would miss the visit from my cousin Dave's family which was fine with me. The kids would outsmart me in a heartbeat as tired as I was. They can smell weakness and would take advantage of the fact they are incredibly cute. Little ghouls.

Talked to Tawny on the way home. Her daughter missed a flight from Detroit to Tampa and had some issues getting another flight. She ended up making a flight to Orlando instead. Tawny and Jeff picked up their middle child after midnight. Tawny was happy. Now she won't be able to contain her happiness and will run amok talking about Christmas. Yuk! Expressed my embarrassment to her in what would be construed as the walk of shame from my neighbors. They didn't see me get home late and leave a few hours later in the same clothes, but would see me arriving near noon in the same clothes. Oh, well...

How did I know I was overtired when I got home? I trolled the Internet researching some nutrition supplement and replying to e-mails before finally taking a hot shower and try to catch a nap. I was in sleeping bliss when my phone rang. It was Trish from San Francisco sitting at her favorite deli. We caught up and cackled. The usual. It's been a few hours and I am about to do a two-mile walk. I had an assignment after all.
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Early Birds

Whoosh!

My week had somehow gained momentum like an ocean wave in the Pacific. No time or energy to update my blog. Hell, I can't quite remember everything...

On Wednesday, I attended a meeting with two people from our North American mothership. I answered questions regarding our process while my boss facilitated the discussion. Bridget and the temp listened in mostly. The temp was asked to speak on her process, but left out some key things which I picked up. As annoying as she can be, I didn't want her to shortchange herself. Bridget contributed a little bit, too. We all had lunch together at The Cheesecake Factory and continued in the afternoon. Bridget and I barely had any time to do our own work...I had my third interview at 5pm which went very well and surprisingly, no technical questions, by this man who would be my director. I was in a conference room with a slew of technical papers at my disposal during the call. He said the next step would be for me to speak to two VPs and warned me about one of them. I was glad for the heads-up and later sent him a nice thank you e-mail.

Thursday? It was spent trying to catch up and making sure Bridget had everything she needed to work from home after her outpatient foot surgery. She has a bone spur growing and affecting a nerve on her right foot which makes roller skating painful. She should be back on next Tuesday or Wednesday at the latest. I was asked to do another demo today, too. My boss left me alone with the guests so I guess that means he trusts me. Ha! Nah, he has nothing to worry about. I will have to deal with these guests if/when I get the job.

Now...today...Friday. Another busy day - this time without Bridget who had her surgery today. She called me before noon to let me know it went well and she was dismayed at the very "unsexy boot" she was made to wear. (She lives in Shallowville, too!) No crutches, though. Later she texted me the picture of her boot and it was indeed ghastly. I told her she may want to put one of her lacy underwear on it to make it sexy.

Received a call from my potential manager in the North American mothership. She was inviting me to Atlanta next week for the last series of interviews which means I made the Top Three or Top Two. Groovylicious! I don't have a plane ticket yet, but I am sure I will have one early next week for a day trip. My schedule will include two VPs and a director in addition to the other people I have already spoken with last week and this week. It will be intense, but I am okay with that. The fact that I have gotten this far is icing on the cake. My current boss got to speak with my would-be manager and they are all impressed on how I do things which is by just going for it and finding ways to make things happen. I blush when I am told this, but whatever it takes to get the job. I will be studying my tech stuff this weekend.

Arrived home later thanks to an extra workload and my stop at Wal-mart to buy sundry items for my friend Lisa's move from her current home to the new town home she found for her and the kids. Leaving her husband, starting over and being a single parent with young kids are difficult steps. I bought stuff like paper products for throughout the house, hand soap for all four sinks, some easy to make kid-friendly food including pancakes for Sunday, air fresheners to make her home smell homey and other stuff she will need, but might not think off initially. Also bought four frozen pizzas and drinks for tomorrow's move. Poor thing. Lisa is so nice and appreciative. She knows this is her Christmas present because I had a very full cart coming out today...

Let me share this rude but hilarious joke sent to me:

Woman wins the lottery and decides that after having had 5 kids she wants some surgery as it looks like a ripped out fireplace "down there"
Wakes up after the op to feel a little sore and 3 bunches of flowers at the end of her bed in the hospital. "Nurse, who are these flowers from?"
"The first bunch are from the surgeon who performed the operation, you were a model patient and everything went well"
"Aha, and the 2nd bunch?"
"They are from your husband who is missing you and can't wait to get you home"
"Aha and the third bunch of flowers?"
"They are from Mr. Smith in the burns ward, just to say thank you very much for the new ears."

Lovely, wasn't it?
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Whoosh!

Rotten to the Core

The day could have only been described as rotten. The vibe was so far off for me and others that the day was painful. Bridget and I found ways to be playfully evil just to cut the tension. I guess it was just Monday...

I shared my favorite joke of all time with one of my peeps on facebook (using cleaner words here than the dirtier version I sent):

This guy loves his girlfriend Wendy so much, he had her name tattooed on his member. When it is flaccid, it just says W, but when it is happy (ahem!) it says W-e-n-d-y. Finding himself in a public restroom, he notices this big Rastafarian guy with dreadlocks standing next to him in the stalls and he couldn’t help but notice the guy has a W on his member. Curiously nervous, the guy asks, “I am not trying to be funny, but I noticed a W on your member and I have one, too, for my girlfriend Wendy. Do you know Wendy?” Rastafarian looks at him and smiles, “No, mon. Mine says Welcome to Jamaica!”

The drive home was horrible and the whole walking the dog bit when I got home as Cabal turned into Cujo when he saw the other dogs being walked. He almost broke my finger from him tugging the leash so hard. Aargh. Quickly called Tawny to ask for a rain check on my visiting her and Jeff. I told her I didn't want to spread this kind of freakishness. So...watched telly for a bit before calling it a day.

Update: Okay...it wasn't totally horrible, I was perky around 3pm at which time one of our attorneys accused me of being too happy in the middle of the day and on a Monday. She should have seen me then at 7:15pm. There were no smiles to be found.
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Rotten to the Core

JibJab: AGOL Miranda

Have a Great Weekend!

My boss sent me one of his own with friends. It was hilarious. Here's one with me:



Having a hard time viewing it from here? Go directly to the Jib Jab site to see AGOL Miranda.

...Build your own here: Starring You!
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JibJab: AGOL Miranda

Blissful Blur

Cooler breezes followed me from my early walk with Cabal at 5am to my day at work. I remember being present and working. Bridget and I exchanged weekend Halloween party photos, I finished my portion of the software testing, and I answered lots of e-mails both professional and personal. I recall chuckling at some of my favorite blogger's recent entries and hearing the following joke from Demented IT Guy Kevin that had me giggling for quite a while:

A six and a seven year old (brothers) decide that they are going to starting cursing one morning. The older one says, "Okay, your word will be hell and mine will be ass." Downstairs they went for breakfast. Their mother asks the younger brother what he wants for breakfast. He replies, "Oh, hell. I'll just have some Cheerios." The mother smacks her son for cursing. After administering the punishment, she turns to the older brother and asks him the same question. He had seen what had happened to his brother who was still sobbing at the table and begins to rethink his decision. Tentatively, he replies, "You can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"

By day's end, it was like a mysterious zephyr had carried my memories making them into gossamer curtains waving away along with any worry or stress. Strange indeed, but nice. Spent a gentle evening enjoying quiet time with a Chinese dinner, playing with my Pretty Boy Dog and watching a new episode of Heroes before sipping some jasmine tea. Its warmth filled me and my being with a comfort strong enough for me to desire sleep. Amazing.
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Blissful Blur

Funny Quote: Life with Men

Life with men is like a deck of cards. You need a Heart to love them, a Diamond to marry them, a Club to beat them, and a Spade to bury them.

...I'm thinking these do not have to be in this exact order with the exception of the last one unless you don't want to go through the other three. Let me know.
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Funny Quote: Life with Men

Shake It Up Baby

Nothing like a little shake-up with an executive cleaning in the first month of the fiscal year. Read an e-mail announcement of the sudden loss of execs including the president of our North American division. You remember him? The one I was campaigning to for my (imaginary) Smile Ambassador appointment? I really liked him because he was genuine. Nice guys don't always finish first, do they?

The news was posted 7am UK time and has spread like wildfire all over cyberspace. My boss followed it up with a little "smoothing of the feathers" to Bridget and me so we understood what it meant. We know what it means: a little house cleaning to make room for new furniture. On a good note, our own division president is rumored to start next week. Okay, we'll hold off on the good news part until we meet him.

Spent a quiet day working with brief but frequent interruptions from my boss. It didn't bother me today...I was happy to see Tawny in finally. Spent some time with her, but she was holed up in conference calls all day. She was winning friends and influencing people. Eek! Tawny has a way of gently pointing out stupidity and backing it up with facts and figures. I've seen her in action; she's good.

My cell phone rang on my drive home, but realized it was in my zippered pocket of my trousers. My haste made driving and extricating the cell phone a challenge. Myrna was finally returning my call from Friday. I was going to call her this evening with worry.

Oh gosh, I almost forgot to mention that I was forced to repeat a joke Tawny texted me two Saturdays ago for my boss and a girl from marketing. The chickie from marketing needed a corny joke to tell her boyfriend and she forgot how I told it the other day. Nothing like being put on the spot. I almost forgot how to tell the damn thing: Where does a bee go to the bathroom? The BP Station!

Shake It Up Baby

Dirty Story

OMG...I can't believe I am posting this joke that my friend Ant just told me in the breakroom.

Ant: Wanna hear a dirty story?
agol: Sure.
Ant: A white horse fell in the mud.

Good grief...

Dirty Story

Oodles of Googles

Google can turn anyone into an Attention-Ho and that includes me! For someone who avoids attention, I sure am heading into it. Look what I discovered when I googled Sarah Sprinkles:



The results startled me. I wasn't expecting a picture of my youtube entry. Once I got over the shock, I thought it was really neat. So what does an Attention-Ho do? IM her buddies and ask them to google her. Yup. My friends were good sports and loved it.

Work kept me busy today especially when Bridget was out most of the day and worked from home so she could take care of her son. My boss was occupied as well and didn't demand a lot. It was a good day to be at work. Busy with not a whole lot of demands.

Tawny IM'ed me and told me that she "swirled, tapped and buffed" her mother with the BareMinerals make-up. I haven't heard those words in a while. I love the make-up and have not regretted my switch to it at all.

Most of my evening at home was spent troubleshooting something on my computer that I installed. I read page after page of possible errors and solutions on their online forum and found one plausible answer. It actually worked! Let's see if it sticks. I'll let you know later. Sometimes being geeky pays off. Just ask Bill Gates and Steve Jobs.


Leaving you with a joke I made up this morning as I was making my hot tea:

Q - What did Earl Grey say to Jasmine when he was courting her?
A - Don't be Chai, dear!

Oodles of Googles

Awesome Possum

Driving to work in a good mood is a great start to the day. I came into gloomy or indifferent at the office. Maybe they changed the brand of coffee?

T&J and me met our great friend Dianne (aka Possum) at TooJay's at International Plaza. I always get a positive charge every time I see her. A happy reunion with her for T&J, too.

Dianne's nickname from me is Possum because of us watching Dame Edna live twice. We are absolutely mad for Dame Edna. She's had that the name for several years. I have this habit of giving people nicknames and it sticking with everyone else.

This picture was taken at lunch today. I may have been sitting a little too close. Check out her new Vera Wang brand eyewear. Hello Possum!



The rest of the afternoon could be described with two words ad nauseam. Sigh.

Started to IM with Yummy before leaving work, but we experienced technical difficulties. He'd been trying to log on, but couldn't until multiple tries. Finally settled into a conversation and it fried on my end. Texted him about it to explain. Received one text back before he did the old school way and dialed his phone so we could talk. Sometimes you just need two tin cans and a long string, ya know?

The evening got on quietly. Cabal received extra quality time which he reveled in. It's almost strangely obscene. I had some low calorie cereal with fat-free milk to counteract the Reuben sandwich made with pastrami I had at lunch. They served the sandwich with the Thousand Island dressing on the side which made the fat/calorie watching easier. Am I just deluding myself? Please don't tell me.

Oh, almost forgot -- Yummy taught me something new today. I didn't know that fish fingers were real. They grow about three inches already breaded. Ha!

Awesome Possum