I felt guilty for not properly ooh'ing and aah'ing about Lisa's well-deserved new vehicle. I couldn't go see it when she wanted nor could I join her for lunch thanks to my meetings. Her feelings were hurt I could tell, but my hands were tied. Brought her a piece of gourmet chocolate cake as a peace offering when someone's birthday cake in my area was available which cheered her.
Gave Tawny an unexpected ride home. Her weekend plans were shuffled back when her husband had to stay and begin the process of installing a financial application on 14 servers over the weekend. If you're Jeff, you're thorough which means a serious and single focus of getting the job done correctly. Poor Tawny. She's accompanying me tomorrow when I get my hair darkened for the first time in two years. We talked about our karmic banks and when we would be able to cash in our investments which brought expressions of frustration...
Sent Bridget a text message to see if she was behaving at her boyfriend's party that he was giving a friend. She was nervous about every little thing including showing her temper at annoyances that were sure to be present. I reminded her to be gracious and nice and make her boyfriend proud of having her there because it is the right thing to do even when other people are being jackasses. If push comes to shove, the gloves come off, of course. You can't be a chump.
Speaking of being gracious and nice, let's get back to the karmic bank thing Tawny and I were discussing earlier. My nature is to be openly giving and loving, vivacious, kind and generous (to a fault). I try being less, but it doesn't happen. My karmic bank is busting at the seams, but I see no relief in sight. I wonder when a touch of magic will finally be in my life to stay and not just flit in for a spell.
Sometimes I think that great things don't happen to good people. Good things do...just enough to dangle the proverbial carrot to keep their faith up. Seeing countless uncaring people receive the blessings/graces I've been keeping my faith in to receive is deeply disheartening. Why is it so easy for them and they don't even appreciate what they receive?
I've lived in two countries, suffered losses, lived an unusual life and have been loving to most people I've ever met. I don't ask for much, materially anyway, because things are just things. My faith has been severely tested in these 36 years. If this is indeed all that there is, I'd rather leave it. Why not check out of this life and try it again? Maybe I came into this one at the wrong time? I honestly don't know anymore. My once strong faith is paper thin at best lately. It's going to take a Divine Touch and not just a touch of magic to restore my faith in Source and in Life. Perhaps these are just words from an exhausted soul. I am tired. Tired of many things.
