Today was Angie's last day in Trampa; her LA flight left at 6:40PM. My side gig as her chauffeur ended today until she visits again right after Dave and Michelle's baby is born. We also toasted to A Happy New Year before she left, drinking the delicious Ice Wine my aunt and uncle bought during their recent trip to Canada.
I decided to let Angie's mother (my aunt) accompany her to the airport so they could spend some alone time together with my uncle while I stayed behind to watch Nan. She was no bother since her physical therapist came today. He wore her out so she slept most of the afternoon and early evening. Poor thing...
You know when you've been putting off something you shouldn't? I had that today. My dad left me a voicemail on Christmas evening and he left another this morning. I buckled down and returned his calls before I had my Chinese takeout tonight. It wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. Truth be told: I've had a really good Christmas and didn't want any hiccups.
At 25, I came to the realization that my dad was a toxic parent to me and have dealt with it since. Now at (almost) 36, he's trying to make a better connection with me. How do I tell him he's too late? What is worse is that he and my stepmother have been forcing me to address her as "Mom" by signing their cards, etc. "Mom and Dad" for at least two years now. I've resisted because I've been angry that I was not asked first.
I don't want to lie because it is not my truth. She is not my mom though I do love her in my own way. My aunt has taken the place of my mom and I've even addressed my uncle as dad in the last several years. My uncle feels guilty for not taking me after my mother died. I guess he feels I would've had less pain in my life. I've tried to let him know that people's core values never change -- I am still a kind and loving person, but just have this issue with trust. He does know and understand, but I cannot control his feelings.
(Thinking..)
Wrestled with my innerself just now and I will try to call my stepmother Mom, but it will not have the meaning behind it. Sometimes you have to weigh the pros and cons. They are approaching the latter part of their august years. Would it really kill me? I am letting go of the anger I've felt to make room for something else...something I am opening myself to now, trusting the universe with what is starting to have more meaning to me.
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